Such a Bumpkin

eD! and Jeff discuss the 2020 iPad Pro, excellent new offers from streaming services at the moral center of the internet, and their preferences in chicken preperation.

Nearly Coherent
Nearly Coherent
Such a Bumpkin
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eD! and Jeff discuss the 2020 iPad Pro, excellent new offers from streaming services at the moral center of the internet, and their preferences in chicken preparation.

Episode Transcript

eD! Thomas

Welcome to the Nearly Coherent Podcast. I’m eD! and sitting over there bathed in blue, like a drop-dead sexy Violet Beauregarde, is my buddy, Jeff.

Jeff, how are ya, ya ballooning beautiful bastard?

Jeff Ritter

I’m doing well, I’m doing well. You know, taking it day by day, trapped in my house, but I’m doing well.

How about yourself?

eD! Thomas

Same.

Actually speaking of being strapped in my house, first of all, I don’t usually leave my house anyway. Usually, when somebody invites me out somewhere is just a good excuse to be like, “Pass. I don’t want to do that with you.” I don’t care what it is. I don’t care who you are.

The problem is I thought this would be fine for me, but it turns out that there’s a world of difference between not going out because you just don’t want to deal with people and not going out because you can’t.

Jeff Ritter

Very true.

eD! Thomas

Because zombie apocalypse. So I’ve been going a little stir crazy.

So this weekend, on Saturday morning, nine o’clock in the morning, got up and took the dog outside, and it was just eating breakfast on my stoop. I think I sounded like an English muffin pizza or something.

Just being a fat kid on a stoop.

Nice!

Jeff Ritter

A breakfast English muffin outside? Nice.

eD! Thomas

Yeah, it was a good time.

And then all of a sudden, three or four fire trucks and a couple of ambulances come flying by and shoot down my side street and then shoot to the street that’s down a block into the right. And there was a car fire like a “Back to the Future: Part II,” when they go back to 1985, and everything’s gone to hell car fire.

First of all, a little too on the nose for right now. Calm down.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, yeah.

eD! Thomasr

Let’s throttle that back pals.

So I’m sitting there, and I’m just kind of like enjoying things, seeing a bunch of people straggling by, to be like, “Ooh, what’s going on over there?” Because you know, hey, it’s excitement that’s happening outside of our houses, let’s take a look.

And all of a sudden, this black car pulls up in front of my house, and it’s a hearse, and then a limo comes up right behind it. And there’s a stop sign from my house, so they’re all stopping. And just the entire block is a stream of a funeral procession that is supposed to be going left towards the flaming car.

Jeff Ritter

Oof.

eD! Thomasr

They all stop, and people are getting out, and there’s people crying and people just like clearly grief-stricken because they’re in a funeral, but then also like, “Yo, shit, there’s a car fire. I wanna see that!”

Jeff Ritter

Yes.

eD! Thomas

And so they’re all getting out of their cars to go run down to the car fire real quick. Like, you know, what’s the dead person going to do? Wake up and be like, “Where y’all going?” No, they’re never going to know. Who gives a shit?

Jeff Ritter

Yeah. They ain’t in a rush.

eD! Thomas

They all get out. The people from the funeral home are getting out, they look like people from funeral homes. You’re not supposed to profile people, but yeah.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, they do. They all have a look about them.

eD! Thomas

Yeah. You know who they are. So you have my car sitting there, and then you have this funeral procession there.

There was no room for anyone else to come. So you had people that are trying to turn down, and they’re like, “Oh, it’s a funeral procession. I guess I’ll just wait a minute.” And they’re waiting.

They’re waiting.

And everybody’s out of the car going to look at this car fire. And so it was like 30 minutes before these people came back.

Jeff Ritter

What?

eD! Thomas

Yeah, it was a very long time.

Jeff Ritter

That’s a long delay!

eD! Thomas

And it’s just one of those things where like, you know when people say things like, “Oh, you couldn’t make this up.” And I usually say like, “You don’t limit my imagination.”

I got to admit this one? I probably wouldn’t have thought up.

Jeff Ritter

No. Definitely not. It’s great, though. You keep that one in the bank for sure.

I wish you were wearing something like real embarrassing thinking that nobody was going to come by. That would have been the cherry on top for me.

eD! Thomas

I mean, they did come out to see a guy sitting with his dog wearing a hoodie and pajama pants, eating an English muffin. A 36-year-old man eating an English muffin pizza as if it was a nutritious breakfast. So I guess they got something!

Jeff Ritter

Maybe they were like, “Well, Aunt Mary’s dead, but at least she didn’t end up like this guy.” Maybe you made them feel a little bit better.

eD! Thomas

That’s all I’m here for.

Jeff Ritter

You’ve got to think on the bright side.

eD! Thomas

I was happy that I just had an English muffin pizza and got to see these people being weird.

Jeff Ritter

Was it a like a regular English muffin pizza? You know, pizza sauce, cheese and all of that?

eD! Thomas

Yeah. Yeah.

Jeff Ritter

Yo, I love English muffin pizzas, by the way.

eD! Thomas

Yo, they’re so good.

Jeff Ritter

So good.

What sauce do you put on them? Or do you buy them premade?

eD! Thomas

Homemade baby.

Jeff Ritter

Oh yeah.

eD! Thomas

Oh, I don’t buy them premade. Come on.

Jeff Ritter

I don’t even know if they make them premade now that I say it.

eD! Thomas

Like when we were going to school, we were going to elementary school. The hot thing to have was an Uncrustable, right? And my mom, she never bought them. I never asked for them, but just one day, she offered to buy me one, and I got really upset because all it did to me was made me be like, “Their mom doesn’t care enough to spend 37 seconds to slap some peanut butter on some bread? What the hell?”

Jeff Ritter

You know what, when you said about how like basically lazy, the first thing I went to was the Uncrustable. It is the laziest fucking food you possibly could get.

That being said, I have them very often.

eD! Thomas

Well, you know, you gotta make some exceptions. I mean, you’re a grown-ass man now.

Jeff Ritter

I have the 7-Eleven version.

eD! Thomas

Tell me more.

Jeff Ritter

It’s just basically old Uncrustables in a new bag. That’s all it is.

eD! Thomas

They took out the ones from 1993 and went like, “This’ll do!”

Jeff Ritter

Yes, basically. That’s what I have, and they’re good. I love them.

eD! Thomas

That’s good.

Jeff Ritter

I can’t stop thinking about people that work at funeral homes.

eD! Thomas

Weird fetish.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, that is. I’m thinking about it just for a couple of minutes, though, not where it is absolutely dominating my thoughts.

eD! Thomas

Okay, good.

Jeff Ritter

Have you ever met somebody that works for a funeral home socially, like out in the outside world?

eD! Thomas

So my first job, I worked with a guy who was a mortician for 50 years, who was just doing this as a retirement thing.

Jeff Ritter

So yes.

eD! Thomas

Yeah, sure. If you want the quick answer.

Jeff Ritter

Have you, when somebody tells you that they work and a funeral home, have you ever been surprised?

eD! Thomas

Not a single time.

Jeff Ritter

Not once has someone said, “Yeah, I work at a funeral home,” and I’m like, “Really?”

It’s always like the inner monologue goes, “Yeah, that checks out. That definitely checks out. This cat definitely works with the dead without a doubt.”

eD! Thomas

You never stop and go, “Oh, but you seem so normal.”

Jeff Ritter

Yeah. Never.

eD! Thomas

There’s some people that are like, “Oh, I work as an actuary,” where I’m like, “Are you sure you don’t hang out with dead people?”

I also don’t know what an actuary does, but that’s neither here nor there.

Jeff Ritter

It’s something. It’s something that they do. I think they make lots of money and you need a very advanced math degree to get there.

eD! Thomas

I’m not getting that.

Jeff Ritter

I don’t know what else they do to be quite honest.

But yes, I will absolutely say about funeral home workers and folks in that industry, every time they’re like, “Yeah, I work there,” I’m like, “Yeah, you do. I knew that. I didn’t need to check your LinkedIn to know that you’re a fucking weirdo.”

Anyway, what going on in the world?

eD! Thomas

I don’t think there’s been much. There’s nothing in the news. Everything’s calm and normal and rational.

There were new Apple announcements last week, which we should apologize, people because I didn’t mention two weeks ago that we weren’t gonna record last week because it was your birthday, because apparently like we’re going to take off her both of our birthdays now.

We only used to take off for mine, but whatever. That’s fine. I don’t mind not being the special one.

Jeff Ritter

I will tell you, we only take off for my birthday when it falls on the day that we record.

eD! Thomas

All right, that’s fair.

Jeff Ritter

We always take off for your birthday.

eD! Thomas

I mean, maybe not this year cause, like, you know, we’ll all be locked in our houses anyways. What the hell else am I going to do?

Jeff Ritter

Your birthday is quite a while. We’ll probably be dead by that.

eD! Thomas

Fingers crossed.

Jeff Ritter

Hey, it is what it is.

But yes, we did not get to talk about the Apple announcement. I will say this, I’m sure that everybody is thinking about almost constantly the coronavirus and I would love to get some of your thoughts on it at some point., but we are definitely not the news. Although, I gotta say we are probably as well informed as them, and we probably make up less shit than they do, so.

eD! Thomas

Yeah. Which is saying a lot for us, I gotta be honest.

We probably should talk since you and I both work from home, we could be an interesting resource of people who call out the bullshit of everyone who says things about working from home. We should do that at a future point. But right now, we’ve got Apple shit to talk about.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, we’d have to first things first. Absolutely.

eD! Thomas

That’s our bread and butter. It’s that and porn and sex toy internet security. Those are our three main topics.

Jeff Ritter

I think we’re guaranteed to cover at least two of them tonight.

eD! Thomas

I sure hope so.

Jeff Ritter

Okay. Let’s try it. Let’s see.

eD! Thomas

Let’s roll the dice.

Jeff Ritter

Challenge issued.

eD! Thomas

Challenge accepted.

Jeff Ritter

Let’s do it.

eD! Thomas

So the new iPad was announced last week. That was pretty exciting.

Jeff Ritter

The Pro?

eD! Thomas

The Pro, yes. It’s a new Pro 12.9 inch and a new Pro 11 inch.

Now you might be thinking to yourself, what’s the difference between the last ones that were released in 2018 and the ones released in 2020? And the answer is twofold.

Jeff Ritter

One second. I for a second thought you were going to say nothing, so we’re 200% exceeding my expectations right now.

eD! Thomas

Don’t hang your hat on that one.

Jeff Ritter

Okay. Okay.

eD! Thomas

The first thing? There is a LIDAR camera. Apple bills it as using photons at nanosecond speeds, which is how you describe lasers, which is what LIDAR is. So I don’t know why they’re trying to make it like Prometheus’s brought down fire, they’ve brought this down from the gods.

It’s a laser guys!

Jeff Ritter

Talk about fucking lasers. Lasers are cool on its own.

eD! Thomas

You don’t need to try to make it sound cooler.

Jeff Ritter

There’s fucking lasers in your iPad, let me know about them. I’m for it.

eD! Thomas

Sign me up is all I’m saying.

Jeff Ritter

I bought like four of these fucking things without lasers.

eD! Thomas

Yeah. Now I feel like the past me is an idiot. The future me is going to be living large with lasers!

Jeff Ritter

Future me is going to come back in time and burn me with one of those lasers. Yeah. Like, “Learn your lesson, tubby.”

eD! Thomas

So this LIDAR thing, basically, it just allows you to take more accurate measurements more quickly.

So like, you know-how with your iPhone, if you’re using the Measurement app, you have to do the hokey pokey and spin around 400 times before it figures out where a room is?

Jeff Ritter

I do.

eD! Thomas

It’s really annoying. The LIDAR takes all that out.

So now you can measure things with your iPad faster than you can with your iPhone, but not as fast as you probably can with like, what’s that thing? A measuring tape. That’s the one.

If you have one of those handy, I’d probably use that instead.

Jeff Ritter

I do. I have a number of them.

eD! Thomas

if you can find them. That’s usually my problem is trying to find the measuring tape that I have because it’s never in the same drawer twice.

Jeff Ritter

I have so many that it’s hard not to find them.

eD! Thomas

Next time I need one, I’m just going to come to your house.

Jeff Ritter

Probably faster. Yeah.

eD! Thomas

It is. It’s faster than me having to pirouette throughout my entire room, trying to figure out, “Oh, have I spun enough from my iPhone to figure out how to measure seven inches?”

Jeff Ritter

Yup. You’re being a little generous there, fella.

eD! Thomas

That was for a bookshelf.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, I know. I’m just joking. I’m just twisting your giblets.

eD! Thomas

My micro-giblets apparently.

So that’s new. It’ll also let you when you project something onto another object. So let’s say you have like an AR thing that does “The Floor is Lava?” It can tell where the floor is versus where a table is. And just make the table, not lava, just keep the floor lava.

Jeff Ritter

Ah. Yeah. That’s cool. Cause “The Table is Lava” is a wildly unpopular game.

eD! Thomas

Super unpopular. Hard to play. Also leads to a lot of broken tables.

Jeff Ritter

Yes. That is very true. Take it from me.

eD! Thomas

Yeah, I was gonna say, 2008, eD! and Jeff playing “The Table is Lava.” It lasted 43 seconds.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah. It was basically once you got to the table and game over.

eD! Thomas

It was a real weird time. That’s one change. All right. Which is kinda cool. I dunno how many people would really need it outside of people who just build stuff for AR. Like I have a friend that does that. He’s probably going to love this thing,

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, definitely.

eD! Thomas

But for regular people, how many people are taking measurements with their iPad?

Seven. It’s literally seven people.

Jeff Ritter

I can’t tell yet whether those people make me madder than the folks that take photos with their iPads.

eD! Thomas

Oh, well, get ready to get real mad.

Jeff Ritter

Oh, God.

eD! Thomas

Because the second improvement is it has two cameras, and it’s got the wide-angle and the standard angle lens, like the iPhone 11.

Jeff Ritter

The 11 has wide-angle telephoto and standard, right?

eD! Thomas

The Pro has three, the regular 11 only has the two.

Jeff Ritter

Right. Okay. Yeah. Well.

eD! Thomas

So those people that can now hold up their 12 inch iPad to try to record a concert blocking everyone’s view are going to get a lot better pictures, but are going to annoy a lot more people.

Jeff Ritter

Oh yeah. It just drives me crazy. Like when I see somebody like an elderly grandmother taking pictures of her grandkids with an iPad, and I’m like, “Just get an iPhone. What the fuck are you doing?”

eD! Thomas

Just get the Max version. It’s not that much smaller than your iPad mini that you’re using.

I promise it will be fine.

Jeff Ritter

Not even an iPad mini dude.

eD! Thomas

Yeah, I know.

Jeff Ritter

I’ve seen people with full-size. I’m like, so you own a flip phone, and instead of just upgrading that, you’re going to carry this fucking iPad?

Thanks a lot, Granny.

eD! Thomas

At least she’s also got all those butterscotch candies. Gotta take the good with the bad.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, I guess so. I don’t mean to attack the elderly here.

eD! Thomas

It’s all right.

So those were the two big changes to the iPad Pro. And you might go, “Wait, that doesn’t sound like enough to really justify a new iPad Pro.”

And you would be correct. Basically, if you have the 2018 iPad Pro…

Jeff Ritter

Yes, correct.

eD! Thomas

…It is more or less the same thing.

The processor, which is now the A12z as opposed to the A12x, which was in the 2018? Same performance benchmarks.

Jeff Ritter

Really?

eD! Thomas

It’s slightly better for graphics performance. The other major difference is that the 2018 Pros, if you had the 1TB version, you had 6GB of RAM, and everything else had 4GB. Now it looks like everything has 6GB of RAM, so you can do more multitasking, things won’t need to refresh as frequently when you switch between apps. That’ll be nice.

But, by and large, if you can buy, say, your friend’s used 12.9 inch iPad Pro instead of having to buy a new iPad Pro, you should do it, Senff.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah. Got real dark, right there. Senff, I wish you could have seen the look. I suggest you buy this thing because yikes.

eD! Thomas

So obviously, as I mentioned that I am selling my 2018 and getting the 2020, but I also didn’t have the terabyte, and uh, I need that.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, but you’re what I would call a power user of this iPad. In that case, I would assume that the extra RAM is beneficial to you.

eD! Thomas

Yes, it will be.

Jeff Ritter

You have never really talked much about AR. I’m sure that you have seen it, used it, but it doesn’t seem to be your cup of tea or your forte yet.

eD! Thomas

Yeah, there’s nothing really there that makes my heart sing, but I’ve run out of space on my 256 GB, so I clearly need a bigger one. And also, with the amount of traveling I was doing and hope to do again when the apocalypse is over, having a cellular one will be helpful. So I also sprung for that.

I’m kind of hoping that this one will be one that I can hold on to for a couple of years as opposed to my usual “every year buy a new iPad.”

Jeff Ritter

What do I have, the 2017?

eD! Thomas

Yes.

Jeff Ritter

So there’s significant changes from those. The problem is I do not use mine as much as I had thought. But I think when my MacBook goes, I will not replace and instead go for a new Pro.

eD! Thomas

Especially with, the other thing that they announced last week is the new Magic Keyboard for the iPad Pros. It is this weird-looking stand thing with a backlit keyboard that has the scissor switches like the 16 inch MacBook Pro. It has its own USB-C port.

Jeff Ritter

So the switches, you like those, right?

eD! Thomas

Yes.

Jeff Ritter

Very much.

eD! Thomas

The scissors switch is much better than the butterfly switch that has been on their keyboards since, like 2016.

Jeff Ritter

Okay.

eD! Thomas

I hate those. I had convinced myself that I didn’t mind them so much, and then I typed on the new 16 inch Pro and went, Oh God. I was basically Lisa to Dave. I had Stockholm syndrome. I didn’t remember how good life could be without garbage in my life is really what I was getting at.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah.

eD! Thomas

So that will be cool.

It also has basically a swivel stand for it, so you can get from 90 degrees to 130 degrees with the iPad while you’re still using the keyboard.

Jeff Ritter

And does the keyboard come off of the stand?

eD! Thomas

No, but the iPad comes right off of it. It’s just magnetic.

Jeff Ritter

Okay.

eD! Thomas

So yeah, kind of cool. That thing is also going to be $300 to $350 depending on which size iPad you have. But I’ve spent more on dumber things.

Jeff Ritter

I can definitely vouch for that.

eD! Thomas

Yeah.

Jeff Ritter

I won’t say her name. Oops. I’m just kidding!

Or am I?

eD! Thomas

He’s kidding, Dad. I swear.

Jeff Ritter

Oh, you know what, uh, yeah, I mean, hooker. That’s true. Now that I say it.

Listen, folks, you got to realize sometimes there’s ramifications. There’s consequences to the words that you say. Now, eD!’s saint of a father thinks that he bought a hooker when I meant he had a shitty ex-girlfriend.

I’m so innocent. I’m such a bumpkin. I didn’t even think that hookers were a thing.

eD! Thomas

The last thing I’d want to do is spend money on interacting with another human being in any capacity. No.

Jeff Ritter

That is true.

You know what’s funny? You know, with all this going on in the memes coming out, or just. Some of them are just dynamite, but I saw one pretty early on that said, just learned today that my lifestyle is called quarantine. Okay. I instantly thought of you, because I’m not… So not in… Listen, I think you are… Uh… Yeah.

No, listen, I can’t soften that blow. I instantly thought of you. I instantly thought of you.

eD! Thomas

What part of that do you think is a blow to me? It’s not like I don’t get invited out, or that people don’t want to hang out with me. If I wanted you to go out tomorrow, I could.

Jeff Ritter

Well…

eD! Thomas

I just do not want to.

Jeff Ritter

Well, tomorrow, I mean, where are you going to go?

eD! Thomas

I mean like not now that everyone’s got to like, you know, stay the hell away from usually, but I got to say people staying at least six feet away from me, not against it.

Jeff Ritter

I don’t really mind that.

All right, so what else did they announce?

eD! Thomas

The other big thing was iOS and iPadOS 13.4, which came out today as we record it.

Jeff Ritter

Oh, the update came out today?

eD! Thomas

Yes, sir.

Jeff Ritter

Oh, okay. Good to know.

eD! Thomas

The big thing that I know you’ve been waiting for is mouse and trackpad support.

Jeff Ritter

Oh, they did it.

eD! Thomas

They did it, and I gotta tell ya: I like it.

Jeff Ritter

Because you have the beta, right?

eD! Thomas

Yeah. I wasn’t going to wait. I knew we were going to record this the day that it came out, I was like, I’m not gonna have enough time to learn enough about it to talk about it.

You and I have spoken about this for years. I was always like, “I don’t really get it. I don’t understand why you’d need a mouse or an iPad.”

Well, let me tell you, I got it now. It’s fine. You want it. It’s good.

Jeff Ritter

Won you over?

eD! Thomas

Yeah, it really did.

Jeff Ritter

Good. I like to hear that.

eD! Thomas

The Magic Keyboard that I was just talking about will have a trackpad on it as well.

Jeff Ritter

What.

eD! Thomas

Yeah.

Jeff Ritter

Wow. What iPad will that work with?

eD! Thomas

2018 and 2020.

Jeff Ritter

Okay. All right. My wife has a 2018, she has one for work. I think that it would be great to have all of that. I think that would be real, real, real nice.

eD! Thomas

I gotta tell you with that coming in iPadOS 13.4, I am really excited to see what they’re gonna put out for iPadOS 14. Because that would have been a good marquee feature for another full release. If that’s what we’re putting out in a point release?

Jeff Ritter

Yeah. Right? Yeah, that is, that’s kinda big.

eD! Thomas

Yeah. Either they’re going to do something awesome, or they’re going to let us down so hard, it is going to be like dating me in 2008.

It is going to be terrible.

Jeff Ritter

It’s going to be the worst news this year.

Let’s keep the good feeling train rolling here, though.

eD! Thomas

Do it.

Jeff Ritter

I’m going to look at one of the positive things being done to this world during such a bleak, bleak, bleak time.

eD! Thomas

Okay.

Jeff Ritter

Have you heard the news?

eD! Thomas

Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?

The new free streaming offer that there is because of this virus?

Jeff Ritter

Dude, that’s exactly what I’m talking about!

eD! Thomas

What you’re saying is, unbeknownst to either of us, we are both prepared to hit two of two marks tonight?

Jeff Ritter

Yes, yes. We are. High five!

eD! Thomas

Social distancing high five! Boom!

Jeff Ritter

There it is.

eD! Thomas

So because of COVID-19, a very important member of the internet streaming community has stepped up to allow for free streaming. Jeff, please inform the people.

Jeff Ritter

Our friends over at PornHub are giving away free premium accounts for 30 days folks, and it just happens to coincide with the New York Department of Health putting out a memo encouraging people to masturbate, to try to stop the spread of COVID-19 or, as I like to call her, “Rona.”

eD! Thomas

I believe the URL is pornhub.com/stayhome. It is high-def, on-demand streaming of boobies and other assorted bits.

Jeff Ritter

There’s definitely a lot of other stuff in there for sure.

eD! Thomas

Unlike the false ass nudity that Val was talking about, like, “Oh, I saw a butt.” This is going to be all sorts of things.

Additionally, I don’t know how PornHub became the like moral center of the internet, but they did. Because every time something bad happens, they do something good…

Jeff Ritter

Yeah.

eD! Thomas

…to counteract it. They’re going to be donating like 15,000 surgical masks and 20,000 to a hospital in South Nassau County where we’re from, and 50,000 euros into assorted European organizations. And $25,000 to sex workers outreach programs.

They’re not only giving you the free boobies, but they’re also coming with some responsibility to try to help. And honestly, could you ask for more from a company? I don’t know that you could.

Jeff Ritter

Mark my words, if the CEO of PornHub entered the election, I would campaign so hard for this person.

eD! Thomas

So hard.

Jeff Ritter

Yup. You got it.

When PornHub has become the front line of this world’s moral compass…

eD! Thomas

The bastion of social responsibility.

Jeff Ritter

…Maybe it’s time to throw out your old thoughts. This guy, this person, I shouldn’t even say this guy.

eD! Thomas

Yeah, you sexist piece of shit.

Jeff Ritter

You’re right. That is a little bit sexist of me. But I’m telling you, they have my vote.

We got to get behind this. What we’ve been doing has led us here. Maybe it’s time to do something else.

eD! Thomas

Yeah. We really should get behind or on top of or any other which way this that you can think of.

Jeff Ritter

Oh, am I doing that? I’m boiling right now. I’m full boil right now. I keep making these comments subconsciously.

All right. We talked about the good, I need a second to talk about the not so great or the bad if you will, and no, it is something other than the coronavirus, although kind of ties to it through a meme that I saw that I love., The world lost quite a few people in the past few days, but one of them sticks out a bit to me as The Gambler: Mr. Kenny Rogers passed away earlier this week.

eD! Thomas

He did.

Jeff Ritter

Absolute shame.

eD! Thomas

I gotta be honest with you, as a musician, not particularly familiar with his work. I know some, I can’t really name them.

Jeff Ritter

“Islands in the Stream,” “The Gambler,” you’ll know those.

eD! Thomas

Those are very obvious. I am more familiar with his stunning beard.

Jeff Ritter

Love, love it. To me, the original silver fox.

eD! Thomas

And, of course, his line of chicken restaurants.

Jeff Ritter

Kenny Rogers Roasters. That place blows the doors off of Boston Market.

I don’t know how many of our listeners remember, or we’re customers of Kenny Rogers Roasters, but ooh, doggy. That place was fantastic.

eD! Thomas

It was so good. It was very, very good.

Boston Market is basically a hepatitis-Q dumpster fire compared to Kenny Rogers Roasters.

Jeff Ritter

Yeah, absolutely.

eD! Thomas

It is also a hepatitis-Q dumpster fire compared to a hepatitis-Q dumpster fire, but that’s neither here nor there.

Kenny Rogers Roasters was phenomenal. Admittedly, I much prefer a fried chicken to roasted chicken because look at me.

Just look, you’ll know.

Jeff Ritter

I actually prefer roasted to fried.

eD! Thomas

Do you?

Jeff Ritter

Do you know why?

eD! Thomas

I don’t.

Jeff Ritter

Fried chicken is very difficult to do well.

eD! Thomas

You’re not wrong.

Jeff Ritter

The vast majority of the fried chicken I’ve eaten is bad. But when you get good ones, like my personal favorite, that you can get around here, Popeye’s Rippin’ Chicken when and you can get it. Yeah. Can’t be touched.

But the rotisserie chickens are much more consistent.

eD! Thomas

You’re right. That is a more easily attainable goal than a good fried chicken.

That said if you could have a good fried chicken versus a good rotisserie chicken, which one are you going for?

Jeff Ritter

So I will say it’s going to be fried.

eD! Thomas

So we’re on the same page, we’re just getting there by different roads. That’s fine.

Jeff Ritter

Right. Fried is better, but that’s almost like, not saying very much. Saying that something fried is better than something not fried.

eD! Thomas

Listen, there are psychopaths out there that think that’s the way it is. To them, I say, Begone, Satan!

Jeff Ritter

That shit kills me when people think that something not fried is better.

eD! Thomas

It’s the same people that say things like, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

Bitch, have you had French fries? Come on.

Jeff Ritter

I know plenty of miserable skinny people.

Anyway, real quick. Two things about Kenny Rogers that I think you would like. Well, number one, with this virus, the memes coming out, I’ve actually seen some where I where I’m like, “yeesh.” They’re that far. I don’t get there very easily, but they’re very “yeesh” worthy.

So one of them not so bad, but it was like the day after he died, somebody posted, “Kenny Rogers dipping in the middle of the COVID-19 panic is the most ‘know when to fold them’ thing you could possibly do.”

And I am like, “Oh, holy shit.”

eD! Thomas

Wow.

Jeff Ritter

The other piece, who I’m a very big fan of, Ryan Reynolds.

eD! Thomas

Love him.

Jeff Ritter

He put out a deleted scene from Deadpool from the first Deadpool when he’s beaten the hell out of the guy on the bridge.

The way they originally did that scene, he was singing “The Gambler” as he beat the shit out of this guy, and it’s very well done. I wish they kept him in the movie. I’m not sure why they didn’t cause it would have been perfect. So there’s that.

eD! Thomas

I haven’t seen that. I’m gonna have to go look at that.

Jeff Ritter

You should look at that. And while you’re looking at that, you should look at the message that he put out today.

Little sad that he didn’t sing “Imagine” to us.

eD! Thomas

Yeah. Shame that.

Jeff Ritter

Still good. Still great.

Well, my friend, it’s been a pleasure socially distancing myself from you today.

eD! Thomas

It’s been a pleasure socially distancing myself from you, too.

Hey, let’s do it again next week.

Jeff Ritter

I look forward to it.

eD! Thomas

I’ll see you then, buddy.

Jeff Ritter

We are the number one socially distant podcast that you and I are on. I think I can safely say that.

eD! Thomas

You can!