eD! and Jeff discuss all the happenings at the September Apple Event!

And also Niki Minaj’s cousin’s balls. Yeah, it’s a weird one.

Episode Transcript (Robot Edition)

eD! Thomas [0:00]

Welcome to the Nearly Coherent podcast.. I’m Ed and joining me a man, so handsome, so beautiful and so wonderful. But just knowing him makes you feel like your heart and your soul have grown as much as Nicki Minaj is cousins balls after taking the COVID vaccine. It’s my buddy Jeff.

Jeff Ritter[0:20]

Oh, you know what I had? Yeah, I had half a mind to interrupt the introduction, because I want to get right into it. And yeah, I’m glad I didn’t meet you. Although, oh, and I think everybody that listens knows this is the apple episode.

eD! Thomas [0:43]

It was one of it for the fall.

Jeff Ritter[0:46]

Yeah, there was a big event today. I promised ad and I guess I promised myself because I just like when Ed tells me about it, rather than reading about it or watching the events. I don’t nothing about it, and I’m dying to. So as much as I want to get to Apple, you just said some very outlandish shit that I can’t let go.

eD! Thomas [1:07]

All right. Would you like me to explain real quick?

Jeff Ritter[1:10]

I do because this sounds ridiculous.

eD! Thomas [1:14]

So last night was the Met Gala. And Nicki Minaj tweeted out that she decided not to go to the Met Gala, because they required a COVID vaccine to get in as one does. And she said that she’s got to do more research on it because her cousin got the COVID vaccine, her cousin is engaged to get married, got the COVID vaccine and his apparently his testicles blew up. She didn’t actually say the size of but we’re just gonna go with watermelons. Just choose those a huge wing in both

Jeff Ritter[1:49]

balls. And those are definitely hitting the toilet water.

eD! Thomas [1:54]

Long story short, the engagements now off, and she’s not making the connection between probably cheated on her and got an STD. And that’s why his balls are so inflated. He’s just blaming COVID vaccine like a. But that was the big discourse last night and I was sitting there being like, I have to use this in a podcast.

Jeff Ritter[2:18]

So I gotta run this back in because I’ve heard a lot of like, real crazy shit about this COVID vaccine. So she’s saying that she’s not getting the COVID vaccine, because her cousin her cousin got the vaccine, and that his balls swelled up to an immense proportion. Does she know that? She said this? I believe she does. I’m asking because this is rubbish. Ridiculous. This is the dominant. This is one of the dumber ones I’ve heard. And I’ve heard people say that it’s injecting a microchip inside of you.

eD! Thomas [3:09]

Yeah, right. That’s impressive.

Jeff Ritter[3:13]

This is fucking dumb. Yeah, like that’s this is beyond q anon. Dom.

eD! Thomas [3:20]

Yeah, it is impressive.

Jeff Ritter[3:21]

It’s, it’s it’s up there. Let’s not say I went too far.

eD! Thomas [3:25]

In case you’re curious. big balls are not a symptom of the COVID vaccine.

Jeff Ritter[3:34]

Well, you wish thank goodness. Yeah, like not that

eD! Thomas [3:37]

big but like maybe a give you a nice tangerine. You know, combined. Perhaps. I don’t know. I don’t want

Jeff Ritter[3:43]

my balls to swell look like a baby carrots sitting on two oranges. You know that? portion.

eD! Thomas [3:51]

It’s impressive that you think it’s as big as a baby carrot. Sorry, Dave hasn’t been here in so long. I just don’t get it. That’s the

Jeff Ritter[4:01]

word on the street is it’s comparable. Damn. So we’re going to talk about anything. Yeah, this is literally from now. From the introduction. Good lord. That’s, I’m am I disappointed? I’m not surprised. Maybe I am surprised. I don’t know how to feel about this. Have I told you lately how much I hate this world.

eD! Thomas [4:26]

You haven’t, but you don’t have to. Alright, we have that connection.

Hey, you want to feel better about some shit though?

Jeff Ritter[5:06]

I was just gonna ask you. That is we got to move fucking past it. Do we have we got some stuff? We’ve got

eD! Thomas [5:15]

a lot of stuff. Wow, they they punched me in my non COVID inflated balls today.

Jeff Ritter[5:25]

Alright, so let me ask you, I gotta ask you a favor. I know sometimes we have a way of going through this that I enjoy. Sometimes you call an audible. I’m not going to do that. Okay, because I’m still reeling from the Nicki Minaj stupidity. I’m hoping that we go the way I like to go through this, which is an order of least to most excited. You’re willing to do that as a favor to me.

eD! Thomas [5:55]

Of course. Anything new? Anything for you?

Jeff Ritter[5:59]

That’s what he means that money folks. Yeah, yeah.

eD! Thomas [6:02]

Yo, let me tell you this. There are three people on this planet that I would help move. Jeff is one of them. And he’s

Jeff Ritter[6:08]

that’s big. That’s a big, big statement.

eD! Thomas [6:13]

You know who’s not on that list? date on that list? Not even in the same notebook.

Jeff Ritter[6:20]

Now, one thing I would do is help Lisa move out when she divorces Dave. Yeah, that’s it. I’d leave all of Dave’s shit right where it is on the curb.

better already.

eD! Thomas [6:37]

There you go saying I’m here to help. So today we were expecting iPhone Apple Watch. There was rumors that we were going to get maybe iPad shit. Maybe new air pods is like a hot will gossip point that came out yesterday.

Jeff Ritter[6:52]

Was your gospel was that wishful thinking?

eD! Thomas [6:56]

You know, in my heart, I felt like it was wishful thinking. You know, okay, well, here’s the thing. Here’s the thing. We didn’t get any air pods. Okay. We did get iPad shit today.

Jeff Ritter[7:05]

I Okay, that’s good, because I got to get a new iPad. So

eD! Thomas [7:09]

let’s Well, let’s have a conversation about that. Let’s start with the what I think is the least likely to excite you thing is the 10.2 inch iPad. The standard, I want an iPad, this is the iPad you get. Okay. It starts at 329. As always, it is the one that you get for like schools and shit. But they did a bunch of interesting upgrades, they did not get rid of the home button. The actual case itself is the same. So home button Lightning connector. It has a 12 megapixel wide, ultra wide camera in the front with the same 122 degree field of view that the iPad Pro has. So it can do centerstage video conferencing. On the back, there’s an eight megapixel camera who gives a shit. Interestingly, they also know include Apple’s true tone technology. So it adapts to the color of light in the room so that, you know colors are matching what they should be. In the picture. There’s a 256 gig option still supports the first gen Apple Pencil basically uses all the same shit. That the current one or the one that was the current one up until, you know, six hours ago. us so this way, if you’re using them in schools, it’s kind of an easy swap out. It’s just the hardware and all the accessories still work. Raw. Okay, so that’s good. Yeah. So that’s our bottom lap rung of the ladder. Yeah, let’s, Jeff, let’s talk about something here. What have I been saying I wanted for about 18 months now. iPad Mini is Yeah, like all I’ve said, All I want is to take the body of the iPad Air. Shoot it with a shrinking array. Make it many. It’s all I wanted. Then the iPad pros came out. I was like I am done. I don’t think that they’re going to like in my heart. I was like, I don’t believe they’re going to get to doing what I want the iPad Air just shrink it into a mini shoot enough for me. So I’m going to buy to count them to iPad pros. iPads pros. Like attorneys general. Yeah, I bought the big one. And the little one, and then I’ve used them for iPads pros. Yep. It’s like It’s like attorneys general. Yeah,

Jeff Ritter[9:34]

really. I didn’t know that. I always said iPad pros.

eD! Thomas [9:38]

Yet iPads pro Mac books, pro iPhones pro Mac’s big swinging dick additions. I gotta tell you, I hate that. Yeah, it sucks. But because of who we are. We now have to say it like that. Or at least I have to talk and I and I’m going to force you to do it because I can’t feel alone. So all I’ve wanted All I’ve wanted is that iPad Mini, and then I got a small iPad Pro. And I was like, yeah, this is dope. I love it. It’s a little bit of a tight squeeze in my bag. But you know, whatever. And I believe the conversation we had was went a little something like this. You should give me the new, you should get the 11 inch and then when the iPad Mini inevitably comes out in September, you should buy that and let me buy your 11 inch iPad Pro.

Jeff Ritter[10:25]

This trip, this was a conversation. Well,

eD! Thomas [10:29]

lo and behold, it’s September, and we have an iPad Mini refresh today.

Jeff Ritter[10:35]

They did Really? Uh huh. Did they do exactly?

eD! Thomas [10:41]

Uh huh. Yeah, they did. It is a it’s got the Touch ID on the power button, like the iPad Air full screen like the iPad Air. It’s got USBC it’s got stereo speakers, it supports the second generation iPad pencil. It’s more or less. Everything I wanted. It’s now 8.3 inches.

Jeff Ritter[11:05]

The What was the reason many 7979

eD! Thomas [11:07]

the actual body of it, I believe was eight inches is now 7.3 inches. So it’s even smaller, bigger screen, smaller body like it bigger screens, smaller body 500 nits of brightness so it’ll be easy to see or easier to see in sunlight has true tone to just the color temperature just like the entry level iPad, p3 wide color gamut for looking at photos and shit. Has the a 15 bionic processor, which is basically the M one without the Thunderbolt controller chip. So you can’t plug it into my monitor which Yeah, but I only use with my large screen Pro. I only connect my large screen pro to my large monitor because okay, but

Jeff Ritter[11:57]

but that’s the piece that the air doesn’t have that either, right?

eD! Thomas [12:02]

Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, Wi Fi six. 5g comes in. red, pink starlight, which is like what they’re calling silver now. And this super dope ass purple.

Jeff Ritter[12:19]

Wait, is it the same purple that the iPhone 12 comes in.

eD! Thomas [12:25]

So it looks a little lighter because of life. But I think it’s just like a couple shades lighter, but it’s still dope. Okay, um, there’s an electric orange Smart Cover for it. That I would like skyrise. Yeah, it comes in 64 or 256 gigs. So it doesn’t have as much space but my 11 inch also only has 256 gigs, because I’m not storing a lot of stuff on it.

Jeff Ritter[12:50]

That’s plenty of space.

eD! Thomas [12:53]

Yeah. Here’s the one.

Jeff Ritter[12:56]

Oh, he’s fucking ramping up. You’re not? Yeah, I never honestly know. Here’s

eD! Thomas [13:01]

cute. He This is there’s one downside to

Jeff Ritter[13:04]

it. Okay. Oh, sorry. Okay.

eD! Thomas [13:07]

It doesn’t have as far as I know, the smart connector. So there’s not going to be like a Smart Keyboard folio for it. Yeah, he’s just regular Bluetooth keyboard. I don’t necessarily like that. I like the fact that with my 11 inch, I can whip it out. And if I have to, if I got the need to tweet, I can tweet. Easy peasy, bear. I can also do that on my phone. I can also do any typing on my phone. I am I am.

Jeff Ritter[13:40]

All right. So I’m gonna, here’s Can I weigh in on this and and it starts

eD! Thomas [13:46]

99 By the way, and you can pre order it right now.

Jeff Ritter[13:53]


eD! Thomas [13:54]

t 56 e 649.

Jeff Ritter[13:58]

Okay, I thought it’s gonna be 599 whatever. 649 saying, you know,

eD! Thomas [14:05]

I like it. Well, anybody else in the world would be like, Oh, I thought it was gonna be 599 and you and I just like oh, it’s 6.9 is the same thing as 599 that’s fine.

Jeff Ritter[14:13]

I did I literally I just said it’s the same thing. It’s definitely not what a snow. What a pretentious. dickhole I am. So yeah. Here’s the upside though. Here’s the upside. You don’t have to buy a $200 keyboard for it. Because if it was available, you were buying it. I know. It’s already done. You don’t need to buy a $99 pencil for it. Because it’s going to work with the one that you already have. And since it’s not a you know, like a smart folio cover or anything like that, it’s just the Smart Cover. That’s what does that 4959 the cover you

eD! Thomas [15:00]

Yeah, yeah, there abouts.

Jeff Ritter[15:01]


eD! Thomas [15:03]

it’s $59

Jeff Ritter[15:04]

Alright, so 15 you know, it’s getting bad when we can fucking prices, right Apple products like,

eD! Thomas [15:09]

just, Oh,

Jeff Ritter[15:11]

it’s so bad.

eD! Thomas [15:13]

I’m gonna tell you right now I have listed other prices for things that we’re gonna talk about. I don’t need them all in my head. Right matter,

Jeff Ritter[15:21]

you know? Yeah. So you’re talking about the 649 plus the 79 by our math, that’s $700 or 59, rather. So that’s what seven that’s 710 710 in your tax all in and you get the iPad that you’ve been waiting for that I’m saying, I’m going to say it like this. So you know why trade in your pro? You can trade in your alright. Yeah, I’m gonna say the evening because I had read in your 11 Pro and get your mini

eD! Thomas [16:01]

now I think this is just gonna I can’t believe I’m about to say that. I think the 11 Pro is going to become my mom’s pro and by this other thing, after this is a warm

Jeff Ritter[16:12]

what’s a wild statement, but I know you’re gonna do it. I’m not even to try to. Not gonna try to reason it, dude. I know you’re gonna buy it. Now you have you really have spoken about this? I feel like you’ve wanted this more than any other single product. Oh, yeah, I can’t. In the last in the last couple of years now. There’s, I knew you were you were very excited about the you were very excited about the pros. But again, that was when they were announced the A you have not harped on a product like this in a very long time. Yeah, it’s true. They’re giving you the the Joker colors, while two of the Joker colors. Like you have a joker colored fucking iPad Mini.

eD! Thomas [17:08]

So here’s the other problem that I have. Um, and I use problem in a very loosey goosey. So yeah, um,

Jeff Ritter[17:16]

so we’re gonna talk. This one, I’m sure.

eD! Thomas [17:18]

Yeah, the iPad will be purple and the case would be orange. I bought skins for my iPad and the magic keyboard. So right now the case is purple. And the iPad is orange, which is in contrast to the 13 inch where the case is orange, and the iPad is purple. So now I feel like I’m just gonna be copying and like do I have to go buy different skins now?

Jeff Ritter[17:45]

I’d like to think that you’re buying your big iPads baby.

eD! Thomas [17:50]

Okay, that’s that’s a good that’s You’re right.

Jeff Ritter[17:54]

I am iPads could go to like a father son picnic.

eD! Thomas [17:57]

They would kick anyway, Android tablets and a three legged race.

Jeff Ritter[18:00]

So I don’t know, man. I do like the purple on the outside orange on the inside. Better combination. I do. But yeah,

eD! Thomas [18:10]

I like them all.

Jeff Ritter[18:11]

This is like, this is also not skins. You’re not talking about skins now. Now they’re such a pain in the neck to put on OEM colors, baby. Yeah. Shall we run through the colors for me one more time? Sure. I’d be

eD! Thomas [18:24]

happy to there is space gray. Which is lacking? Yeah, yep. There’s pink. There.

Jeff Ritter[18:33]

Is that anything to that? Or is it just Pink Pink? Okay, fair enough. Thank

eD! Thomas [18:39]

starlight which looks kind of like a yellowy white. weird combination. I don’t like the name of this at all. I don’t like the name of this color. I don’t like the use of this color. I think that is irritating. makes me sad.

Jeff Ritter[18:55]

Pink is pink starlight space gray and the purple. Hmm. Yep. No. Okay. No gold. Hmm.

eD! Thomas [19:01]

Now gold,

Jeff Ritter[19:03]

which is good because like I said, otherwise, you’d love I do love the color of my my MacBook but it is not gold. It is copper at best.

eD! Thomas [19:16]

Hold that thought honeybear.

Jeff Ritter[19:18]

I will. So anymore on the Mini.

eD! Thomas [19:21]

No, just my everlasting constant. Just Just the feelings in my chest that I’m going to have for the next three days.

Jeff Ritter[19:29]

Yeah, there’s no listen. come to terms you’re going to buy the fucking mini everybody know everybody knows it.

eD! Thomas [19:36]

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, let’s talk about some Apple Watch. Why don’t we? Yeah, sure.

Jeff Ritter[19:44]

Let’s do it. I’m a big apple watch fan.

eD! Thomas [19:46]

I know you love them. I know you do. So here’s the I’m gonna call this a downside. It’s not about the product but about the information that we have about it so far. Okay, right now they’re saying that it will be available later in the fall. And the page on apple.com for the watch doesn’t give as much detail as I’d like about certain aspects. Okay. And one aspect in particular, that is kinda tweaking my brain a little bit. But we’ll get into that in a second. Let’s first talk about the display. They’ve cut the bezels on it by 40%. So it is a 20% larger screen now, which Christ gives you for texting, you’ll not have a quick swipe keyboard. daily deal. Okay, like a full keyboard that you can use the case sizes, up to two crazy 41 and 45 millimeters, you can still use the same watch bands and all of them.

Jeff Ritter[20:51]

Okay, what is it? There’s only one thing now are they 40 and 44? You are absolutely correct. And what were they before that? 38 and 42?

eD! Thomas [21:01]

Mm, yep. Okay. So we’re creeping out.

Jeff Ritter[21:05]

We’re getting a millimeter on each.

eD! Thomas [21:07]

Yep. Now, here’s the thing about the display. But I want more information on before I’m going to make any decisions on Apple watches, as you’re aware, and other people might be but I’m going to tell it anyway. There’s two different bodies. Well, there’s three different bodies of Apple Watch. There’s aluminum, stainless steel and titanium. Stainless Steel, titanium. Both use sapphire crystal as the watch face.

Jeff Ritter[21:32]

Is this ceramic also, that was last year. I see. So I have a ceramic. Okay,

eD! Thomas [21:39]

yeah, it was ceramic was dope, actually, but it was super expensive. So I never got it, but it felt real cool. So on the titanium and stainless steel, you have sapphire crystal, which is very hard, harder to break than usual. And then on the aluminum you had ionics glass which was harder to break but still kind of breakable, which to me was like, I’m going to break that shit. So I never got the aluminum once Okay, even though aluminum would be lighter, I could get in blue dope but i’d also break the screen constantly and I don’t want to do that. Yeah, that’s that’s what you got. You lucky sack of shit anywho they were talking about it about this series seven and they refer to a more crack resistant crystal glass. And I’m not sure if that is limited to the stainless steel and titanium this year. Apple’s talking about how it’s a new crystal that is significant more crack resistant, and it’s also now ip 6x dust resistance certified which means it’ll be more rugged. And I don’t know if that’s going to be just for the stainless steel if it’s for the aluminum and I can get a blue one and not spend starting $800 Yeah, I read that’s kind of why I don’t upgrade my watch every year because it’s 1000 bucks a pop and then in a year I get $145 on a trade and and I’m just like don’t eat it but

Jeff Ritter[23:22]

I’m with you on the non upgrading you know I do the aluminum my wife and I both get the upgrades so we’re buying two watches at the same time and there hasn’t been like to me the changes from the four of the five weren’t enough but the four of the six were big so that’s why I’ve been doing it every other unfortunately. I’d like for my son to have it now like going to school and it’s got after school activities and all sorts of shady goes out with his friends and I like him to have it so his which was my wife’s like old old old one has virtually crapped out on him. You know the battery doesn’t last. So I I think I’m going to upgrade to this new version depending on what else I hear. And he’s gonna get mine.

eD! Thomas [24:14]

Well, here let me give you some good shit real quick. All right, yeah, first of all, let’s do it. One thing one thing I know you love and I you know I love the modular base. There’s going to be a new modular face that has two large center Tom complications. Oh, so right now it’s got it’s got a little complication on the top, the time. Date complication, big complication three complications at the bottom. It will have little complication begets complication begets complication.

Jeff Ritter[24:47]

Oh, I love it. That’s huge.

eD! Thomas [24:51]

I’m getting better enough in the sweats sold

Jeff Ritter[24:54]

episode over now. I’m definitely getting that in our

eD! Thomas [24:59]

here’s here’s the deal. Here’s the next thing. They now have USB C charging and better charging capabilities. So it will go from zero to 80. In 45 minutes. USB C onto the magnetic puck. Excuse me.

Jeff Ritter[25:14]

Yeah, yeah, no. Right. I figured that that much. Yeah, although I use the Willie. It’s still gonna be the same magnetic Puck on the end. Yeah. Oh, thank God because I have that silicon charger in the US. Yeah. Well,

eD! Thomas [25:30]

yeah, that’ll still work. But if you need to do a quick charge, they got you. Zero to 80 and 45 minutes.

Jeff Ritter[25:40]

That’s pretty good. Well, let me show them that USB charger. Will that quick charge older versions?

eD! Thomas [25:47]

As far as I can tell, no.

Jeff Ritter[25:50]

So they get Yeah. Yeah, Fockers?

eD! Thomas [25:53]

Yeah. They were looking at me and be like, Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Fat boys say you’re not going to get this piece of shit.

Jeff Ritter[25:58]

They’ll tell you to tell your fat friend He’s not going to be able to charge his son’s watch fast and you break.

eD! Thomas [26:08]

Those are the rumors leading up to this were that they were going to have a flat design like the iPhone for the watch. That ended up being the exact opposite of what happened now. It’s even like more round. Um,

Jeff Ritter[26:20]

what do you mean flat design?

eD! Thomas [26:23]

Like there was like the edges. The sides were supposed to be thinner and flat against the side.

Jeff Ritter[26:29]

Oh, okay. I got you. Yes. It is not like it is like when you went to the newer iPads and stuff. You’re talking about how it has got it? Sorry, I didn’t understand. So routers are hard and more.

eD! Thomas [26:40]

Yeah. Which apparently aids with the how the glasses layered over the screen. Which in panss, durability, or some shit, whatever. All right with that? Yeah,

Jeff Ritter[26:55]

I think Yeah, I don’t think that that would affect me. whatsoever. Is it going to keep going?

eD! Thomas [27:03]

aluminum comes in five options. You got starlight midnight, product, red, green,

Jeff Ritter[27:11]

and blue. Okay, hold on. Midnight is just black.

eD! Thomas [27:16]

Yeah, yeah. Midnight’s their new name for black

Jeff Ritter[27:20]

starlight is the starlight that we spoke about? product red. is red. I’m intrigued. I love I do love product red stuff. Blue because I’m not even gonna mention the other one. because nobody’s gonna funny. Nobody better get that and don’t tell me if they do. And blue. Okay, yeah.

eD! Thomas [27:45]

So if I like it, if that better glass is on the aluminum models, your boy finally getting his blue watch. Yes, but he’s also gonna keep this other watch and say that much right now. And also the rest of my family is getting watches. So

Jeff Ritter[28:00]

why are you going to keep the other watch?

eD! Thomas [28:02]

Because the shine your thing works well with my metal bands. Perform aware?

Jeff Ritter[28:08]

Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, I’m gonna find out and never go anywhere that you need to be dressed up. ever again.

eD! Thomas [28:14]

I’ve got like 27 weddings that I got to go to. So

Jeff Ritter[28:18]

yeah, I would buy a sweat suit tuxedo.

eD! Thomas [28:24]

Hey, real quick, real quick aside about fitness. Plus, there’s new shit for cyclists. So the workout Apple do better. notification of like noticing when you beginner bike riding when you end it. And if you fall down, it’ll be like, yo, yo, okay, kid. And I really wish the notification said that if it came up, I was like, You

Jeff Ritter[28:46]

know what, I wish? I wish I could be great. I wish I could set Siri to have that.

eD! Thomas [28:51]

Yeah, also, they’re going Apple fitness plus is going to have a guided meditation which I’m kind of diggin a get ready for snow season workout. Set on gym, like, get out here. And

Jeff Ritter[29:06]

unless unless that’s me practicing taking my snowblower out of the shed. I don’t fucking need that.

eD! Thomas [29:11]

And here’s the one I’m excited for. You know how old people with no mobility get into Pilates. They’re doing Pilates now as a thing in fitness. Plus, I feel like that’s meant for me. Because I’m an old man who has no flexibility and no mobility.

Jeff Ritter[29:27]

So I can tell you I know the word Pilates. I’ve heard it a million times. I know that it’s an exercise. I

eD! Thomas [29:34]

couldn’t tell you what the fuck it was. Yeah, that’s that’s the thing. That’s is it yoga. No, yoga is different deal with yoga is more stretchy. I don’t I don’t know. But I know that my grandmother used to do it. And she was like, now all of a sudden she was like, Oh, I can do things. It’s like that. She just like started breaking down trees with our hand and shit. That’s not true. But she’s she’s never gonna say anything against it. She’s not gonna You’re okay. She’s not gonna cry, right? Yeah. Who’s gonna know she used to do Pilates all time? I was like, Alright, cool. Let’s get on that. I think Tai Chi is the other thing that people do. But Pilates is a good place to try.

Jeff Ritter[30:10]

I don’t have a child she is. My wife’s in the house that she grew up in her neighborhood we called Flanders he looked exactly like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons used to do Tai Chi in his front yard. I love it. I mean, people swear by it as like a meditation but you could not possibly look stupid or in public and doing it by yourself. And your friend. You

eD! Thomas [30:35]

ever tweeted about how your cousin’s balls gotten bigger from the COVID vaccine? I’m pretty sure you can look stupid or

Jeff Ritter[30:41]

Yeah, okay, that’s to me. That’s sounding stupid. That’s why I said it.

eD! Thomas [30:46]

All right. All right. You want to go with yourself? That’s fine. If

Jeff Ritter[30:50]

she if she dictated that while doing Tai Chi in public. The epitome of

eD! Thomas [30:57]

that’s when we all win a million dollars.

Jeff Ritter[31:00]

Hey, by the way, I just said the word Epitome. I heard somebody once pronounce that word. epitone.

eD! Thomas [31:06]

Yeah. Yep. Hey, you know what word I always knew. existed? paradigm. You know what word I always read paradigm as periculum That’s good stuff. Regular curriculum. Yeah, that’s how you spell it.

Jeff Ritter[31:26]

It is definitely how you spell it. Do you? Yeah. Do you pronounce it? parade them

eD! Thomas [31:34]

out loud. accent I never made the connection that those were the same word. Got it? And I was always like it was it when it came up. It was in a bullshit business book. I was like, Who cares? I don’t need to look that

Jeff Ritter[31:46]

up. Yeah, I don’t I don’t know if I’ve ever used that word. And if I did, it was definitely not properly now, but I’ve never pronounced Epitome. epitone

eD! Thomas [31:55]

note meaning either long distance high five. Boom.

Jeff Ritter[31:59]

Hey, just so you know feel alone. I know you don’t like that. When you go to a an amusement park, or if you’re in the city, and you have somebody working on the side of the street doing drawings that are exaggerated, cartoonish drawings of you. Those are called what? Eric teachers say it again?

eD! Thomas [32:21]

Character chers.

Jeff Ritter[32:25]

Carry kerric tortures with a C in there with a T in there. Yeah. See, that’s a I’ve heard it as caricatures and caricature. And I don’t know which one of them is right.

eD! Thomas [32:40]

parakeet caricature or character. I don’t know if it’s one or the other. Maybe I’m thinking it wrong in my head. I don’t know. But it’s not correct to

Jeff Ritter[32:48]

try to. So that is that is one that I don’t know how to pronounce. And now I fear we both might not know.

eD! Thomas [32:55]

No, I know that. I know that I’m right. I might just be stumbling over some words because I’m in iPhone mode. And now I’m like, always to add drugs. And I’m in iPhones. So now I’m just like, why

Jeff Ritter[33:09]

are we? Why are we talking about fucking linguistics? Here? We’re at iPhone time. You gotta you gotta get control of this podcast, man.

eD! Thomas [33:18]

You’re right. I’m sorry. There’s a reason why my name is listed first. Besides, other than the fact that I’m the one that

Jeff Ritter[33:23]

first who posted that first debate. That was like a complete shit show.

eD! Thomas [33:28]

Oh, that was Chris Wallace. Chris Wallace. That’s it. Yeah,

Jeff Ritter[33:34]

I feel like Chris Wallace is is mediating our podcast right now. Let me talk about fucking caricatures whenever they’re called.

eD! Thomas [33:42]

Here’s the thing. I’m I I was gonna cut that out. So that we both sounded smart, but now I can’t because I love this line of joking. So

Jeff Ritter[33:51]

they’re, they’re all screwed. I’m not smart. We’ll be the first. All right, the last.

eD! Thomas [33:56]

Let’s shut our mouths and talk about the iPhone 13.

Jeff Ritter[33:59]

Yeah, yeah, seriously,

eD! Thomas [34:01]

let’s go. So iPhone 13 and 13 Mini. Both have the same basic design as the twelves except now instead of being in a column of the camera lenses are in a diagonal. So revolutionary.

Jeff Ritter[34:18]

Oh, because I have two lenses.

eD! Thomas [34:20]

Right? Yeah. Got it. Okay. They come in starlight midnight. Product red, pink and blue. Same dope blue as before. Same ceramic shield screen on the front. xDr OLED display 800 nits, which is a 28% increase and bright Yeah, and a peak brightness of 1200 nits for HDR content so like watching movies and shit. Okay, um, they’re both ip 68 water resistant. They have the new AC 15 bionics, which is basically the M one again right without Thunderbolt ability without the Thunderbolt ability also built on five nanometre, which is smaller but packs and more transistors, which is dope, six cores to high performance for efficiencies. And for four core GPU blah, blah, blah, who cares? A 16 core neural engine, which is for the machine learning and shit. And handles tasks like live text and iOS 15, which is the dopest shit in the world. By the way, hold on picture. You take a picture. It’s got text in it. iOS now sees the text. He goes, Oh, you want to highlight that shit? We got you, girl. You want to copy?

Jeff Ritter[35:45]

me about this? I remember you telling me about that. Yeah, that doesn’t. That’s not out until that’s not out yet. Right? Monday, only in the beta.

eD! Thomas [35:57]

It’ll be up Monday.

Jeff Ritter[35:59]

Jesus, that’s that’s iOS 15 comes out Monday. Huh? Yep. Well, Lord, you fucking da.

eD! Thomas [36:05]

We were gonna get to that to the end. But let’s do it right now. Watch iOS eight, iPad, os 15. iOS 15. All come out on Monday. Probably around one o’clock is hey, yeah. The release candidates out now. So if you feel like being spicy, you can go sign up for the beta program, install it now and have a full, like five days ahead of everybody else. Just throwing it out there.

Jeff Ritter[36:28]

will fuck my phone up.

eD! Thomas [36:30]

No, it’s great. It’s actually been the most reliable beta I’ve ever had used.

Jeff Ritter[36:35]

This has been the master beta. Yeah, yeah, it is.

eD! Thomas [36:41]

Doing it all day, every day.

Jeff Ritter[36:43]

You have to tell me how to do whatever you said. Because I have no idea what it is.

eD! Thomas [36:50]

B battery is bigger in the phone. So the mini gets an hour and a half more battery than the iPhone 12. Mini and the iPhone 13 gets two and a half more than the iPhone 12.

Jeff Ritter[37:02]

That’s pretty good. Yep.

eD! Thomas [37:06]

camera system, the optical image stabilization that drove us both to the iPhone pro max look on common sense from my dick is now in the iPhone and iPhone Mini.

Jeff Ritter[37:17]

So we I don’t think we’ve really touched on that if we can talk about that for a second. worth the price of admission. Yeah. 100%. That thing is that is it’s awesome. That thing is awesome.

eD! Thomas [37:33]

Yeah, it also looks really cool. Yeah, no, it’s great. It’s great. It’s on, it’s on the ultra wide lens, just so that everybody knows. And yeah, it’s dope. It really does. Like if you use that and a gimbal, it looks like you’re just flying a drone, at whatever you’re

Jeff Ritter[37:49]

done. And it really, it’s crazy how stable it is.

eD! Thomas [37:53]

Yeah, it’s ridiculous. For photos, you can now use something called photographic styles. So basically, if you’re like me, and I basically use the same tweaks on most of the photos that I take, before I put them on, like Instagram or send them to people. But then you have to do that manually, you can now set up what your quote unquote style is. And that will be done in processing for you. So this way, it’s just automatic.

Jeff Ritter[38:20]

Kind of like a like a preset. Yeah. Like when you set your TV to live sports mode or warm or movie mode or whatever you can kind of set do like a custom preset on it. That’ll that’s pretty cool.

eD! Thomas [38:32]

Yeah. And it’s not a filter, it actually treats the different parts of the photos like skin can be treated differently than a rock or tree or flower. shit like that. Improve night mode. So that’s cool. Now art that made me go like this, like I’m annoying on Twitter. For video, you know how when you’re watching a movie and somebody is there to take a shot of somebody and frame in the background is broke it out. And then the frame shifts, and they’re both good. And the background something in the background is focused on. Yes, yes. Yeah. That is now included as part of what’s called cinematic mode. on your iPhone,

Jeff Ritter[39:19]

fuck out of town. Are we on? Are we still talking about the regular 13 your her Holy shit, this is gonna get bad. This is gonna get so ugly.

eD! Thomas [39:37]

So they did this whole demo of it. You can. If somebody is looking at the screen and the focus is on them and they look away from the screen like they’re looking at somebody in the background. focus shifts to what they’re looking at automatically. You know, I’m not sure do you want to have your mind blown. They specify how this works, but I feel like there’s probably the same 100 22 degree angle for center stage because it has a thing where it can be taking a shot of the background and as it senses you coming into the shot will adjust the focus of the person coming into the shop. What? Ah,

Jeff Ritter[40:14]

yeah, no, the videos of my kids are going to be are astounding.

eD! Thomas [40:19]

Can you imagine the sort of shit I’m going to do with sunshine on this? It’s going to be insane. I have to also have like a card

Jeff Ritter[40:26]

at the end directed by

eD! Thomas [40:29]

Yeah, I’m gonna join the Art Directors Guild of America. It’s gonna be great. There’s also you can set two different focus points and then just by tapping on them adjust who the focus is on.

Jeff Ritter[40:41]

It’s that’s This is fucking nuts.

eD! Thomas [40:44]

Yeah, yeah. Here’s where it gets insane. All right. everything I just said is what you’re doing. while you’re recording, right? No, girl, you can do it while you’re recording or after. It’s say it will use computational shit. I forgot the word I was about to use to adjust all that shit in post to.

Jeff Ritter[41:12]

Yo, I don’t I don’t even know what to say. I guess I’ll just go on and fucking preorder this phone now. Yeah, this is cool. I just I just unlocked my phone to go to the Apple store and I don’t even know. Just gonna preorder the Can I do it? Yeah, I’m gonna preorder the freakin 1930 bro. I guess

eD! Thomas [41:31]

you can pre order it on Friday, Friday morning at 5am Pacific or 8am our time. Okay. They no longer started 64 gigs of storage. It is 128 256 and 512. Also, I don’t remember if this was just on the pro last year or not. The shooting 4k at 60 frames per second in HDR with Dolby Vision. I think that was just a pro thing. Last year

Jeff Ritter[41:55]

I thought it was

eD! Thomas [41:57]

it’s everybody now

Jeff Ritter[41:58]

sheezus show the the iPhone 13 is so far better than the 12 Pro. Yeah, yeah, it is. Oh, you know what, though? It lacks one of the camera lenses, doesn’t it? It does.

eD! Thomas [42:16]

It does. Yeah. Yeah. But other than that, I’m like uh, yeah, I think so.

Jeff Ritter[42:25]

That’s that would that’s what keeps me coming back for the Pro is I need that telephoto.

eD! Thomas [42:30]

Yeah, let’s talk about the pro for a second, shall we? Shall you hear why you’re spending money? Let’s

Jeff Ritter[42:37]

Let’s chess.

eD! Thomas [42:39]

So all the shit that I just listed for the iPhone 13 cinematic shit, photos, styles, all those other good shit all on the pros. Right? dope. First thing that they’ve added to the pros is the display now has pro motion like the iPad Pro. So it will have a variable refresh rate going from 10 hertz to 120 hertz. Which, if you’ve only used an iPhone sounds like alright, who gives a shit but what if you’ve ever used an iPad Pro with that? It does make a difference. It’s dope as hell. They can also match the speed for refresh of what you’re scrolling in real time. And it has 1000 nits of brightness outdoors. The cameras myself. Yeah, you can. The cow is got the wide camera with a larger sensor. So less image noise faster shutter speeds. There’s a wide camera with a 1.5 aperture lens, which will give you better low light photos. The ultra wide camera has a wider 1.8 aperture as well as a new autofocus system Apple says provides a 92% improvement in little light situations. What I’m excited about is I always use I like to go to like botanical gardens and take pictures of like super close up macro pictures of plants and flowers and shit. I just find that shit interesting to do. It’s very cool. You can do that on the iPhone 13 Pro pro max. It’ll focus in on macro use. Yeah, if you get up to two centimeters up to where you’re thinking you can still focus. Macro video is also possible including slow mo and time lapse modes. I’ll tell you this is very important for this is very important for Dave if he ever wants to send Lisa a picture of his Wiener now he can.

Jeff Ritter[44:39]

Now he can send it. Yep. In a focused picture.

eD! Thomas [44:44]

Yeah, yeah. Instead just be like is that a set of dust mite? That’s weird, right? The telephoto camera has been updated as well with a 77 millimeter lens. So you can shoot up to three times zoom. Shoot up to three times zoom over The wide camera Excuse me.

Jeff Ritter[45:02]

Shit Wait, sorry Say that again. Ah. So on that run that those facts went back for me one more time

eD! Thomas [45:09]

77 millimeter lens for the telephoto does three times the zoom of the wide camera

Jeff Ritter[45:18]

so the telephoto used to do two on the pro two and a half on the max. Right. Now does now they’re both going to do three mm

eD! Thomas [45:33]

CR and it has the same better battery life so the pro will have a one and a half hours over the 12 Pro. And the 30 Pro max will have two and a half hours more than the 12 Pro Max, which already is a bananas as battery. Oh hey, you know what? I didn’t mention? storage?

Jeff Ritter[45:54]

Give me six. Yeah.

eD! Thomas [45:55]

512 one terabyte?

Jeff Ritter[45:59]

Jesus one terabyte? Yeah. So a 13 Pro max with one terabyte. That is I’m assuming the highest end. That phone’s that phone’s got to be 1600 bucks to 1700 bucks. Probably with Apple care. I bet you it’s almost two grand 1900 bucks.

eD! Thomas [46:22]

It’s 1599 if you just buy it all in

Jeff Ritter[46:25]

short is it’s 1600. So then it’s what 18 1850 with Apple care

eD! Thomas [46:34]

if you buy the yearly Apple care, yeah. So it gets Yeah, it doesn’t matter to me. It comes in Sierra blue, silver, graphite, and gold. Which when I saw the videos looked, I guess it was just the side that I saw it looked more gold than it doesn’t this picture looks more like a shamkhani sort of deal. looks classy. That’s okay, but I think see

Jeff Ritter[47:05]

if there’s blue, which I’m going blue.

eD! Thomas [47:09]

You got to blue yourself.

Jeff Ritter[47:11]

So what? Okay, wait, screen size and footprint, identical to the 12. slightly thicker.

eD! Thomas [47:19]

And the 12. Which pisses me off, because I don’t think the case that I have is going to work with a 13. And they don’t have an electric orange case for the 13 promax. And I am furious right now. I

Jeff Ritter[47:35]

don’t have it yet, or they will not have it.

eD! Thomas [47:37]

I don’t know. I don’t know they’ve got some marigold bullshit out there.

Jeff Ritter[47:42]

What does that look like? Is that like a yellow like a mustardy color is a color American.

eD! Thomas [47:48]

It looks like an orangey sort of deal, but it looked less orange than the cumquat they had last year. Like I’m, I’m mad I’m mad about that shit. Bear that e ratio. Um, but yeah, so I just signed up to be able to preorder that one terabyte blue one. And they’ll both be out on the 24th same day as opposed to last year where we had to wait a full month later. For the max.

Jeff Ritter[48:15]

Yeah. So what are the differences between the pro and pro max besides screen size this year?

eD! Thomas [48:22]

battery is the only thing I saw. Wow. And if it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve kind of gotten used to having the giant screen I guess I’m just gonna max again. Even though they don’t do anything like so back when we first got giant as phones. I think it was like the six s I got the promax you used to be able to like split the keyboard. Things were displayed differently if you put it in landscape and now none of that happens. Get on your shit again. Apple bunch of dead Yeah,

Jeff Ritter[48:52]

yeah, that’s true. This I really and I mean, it’s an extra What? half an inch. Yeah, a little more than that. Whatever.

eD! Thomas [49:02]

I think it’s like, point six or something of that. So okay,

Jeff Ritter[49:05]

so it’s pretty close. But yeah, so an extra half an inch when you’re dealing with especially if you watch a lot of shows and shit on your phone is pretty important. And the bigger battery is also pretty good.

eD! Thomas [49:18]

Yeah, but Oh, and hey, here’s a fun little tidbit for you. You know the iPhone other wallet. I think you have the iPhone other wallet. Don’t you think you’re gonna get it all right.

Jeff Ritter[49:31]

I was.

eD! Thomas [49:33]

Here’s a You want to know why it was good that you held off on releasing a new version of it still connects with mag save all the same shit. But it now has find my support. So if it falls off and you’ll lose it can jump into the find my app and it’ll come up and be like, Hey, your shit was stolen. Here we go.

Jeff Ritter[49:51]

Is that the one that just sticks to the back? Or is that that sleeve that you’re talking about?

eD! Thomas [49:57]

The one the six of the back. Okay. So that comes with find

Jeff Ritter[50:00]

my That’s crazy. I wish they would make the find my work better on the air pods

eD! Thomas [50:06]

because it’s sock that’s coming out. That’s iOS 15 girl,

Jeff Ritter[50:09]

we’ll have updates for that’s going to do a firmware update on the air pods. Yellow. Look at you, you’re beautiful son of a bitch. Look at you,

eD! Thomas [50:22]

I do what I can I do what I can for you. So iPhone pre orders are on Friday the 17th they will then ship on the 24th iPads are available for pre order today, which is yesterday from when you were from when you’re hearing this, I’m gonna try to have this out on Wednesday, I go with 15 I’ve had those 15 and watch OS eight, all available September 20. Unless you go to beta.apple.com and enroll your devices as betas and get the update now and then turn off that so this way when you get your new shit, like you don’t have iOS 15.1 accidentally and then you can’t transfer everything and then you’re mad at me. Don’t do that shit. That ain’t on me. That’s on you. I’ve warned you.

Jeff Ritter[51:06]

You said that. Actually available? Yes.

eD! Thomas [51:11]

Like, okay. Um, yeah, probably usually like between one and two o’clock eastern is when they hit. Yeah, so there you go. Well, well, well, and we are now expecting an apple event, late October ish for new Macs?

Jeff Ritter[51:31]

What are the odds that they dropped something with air pods during that one now?

eD! Thomas [51:35]

I don’t think so. I think air pods at this point are just going to be like, they could very well just be a press release update. I mean, what are they going to? It’s got a new design all the same features who gives a shit you don’t need any time. I

Jeff Ritter[51:47]

just find that just feel like they’re so popular.

eD! Thomas [51:51]

They are popular, but I don’t think that they need that extra level of like, here you go. Here’s the case will be you know, you could do the exact same thing with a picture in a press release. And save the time for more talk about what the M 1x is and all that other shit. Yeah,

Jeff Ritter[52:13]

that’s fair. Well, this is huge. There you go, buddy. Is there anything about iOS 15 that you didn’t mention?

eD! Thomas [52:26]

The private relay that we spoke about previously, where it will do like, it sends. If you type something into Safari to go to a website, it goes to Apple first, then it goes to a secondary provider. And then you get the web page, which is for privacy shit so that people can track you. That’s gonna be coming out in beta. It’s kinda iffy right now. I don’t like it. I’ve turned it off. Because it’s slowed a whole bunch of shit down. The biggest surprise for me on iPad os 13 was the quick notes. I did not think I was going to use them as frequently as I do. And I use them a lot. That shit is dope as hell. I haven’t used watch Oh, eight because you can’t get your watch fixed. If you have watch or you can’t downgrade again, or something. And then backups are weird. It’s stupid side and bother. Okay, so you’re just waiting for that to be released? Yeah, that I’m probably going to do over the weekend. Because I’m not gonna get my watch repaired before Monday. Right. anything happens to it? So. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that’s, uh, that’s how did I do? In order of excitement level?

Jeff Ritter[53:32]

nominal. Phenomenal. So that’s a lot. That’s a big announcement. That’s much bigger than I thought it was going to be. Yeah. I’m very glad that I did not read the like six articles that news plus sent me today.

eD! Thomas [53:48]

Yeah. Yeah, that’s good. Hey, episode didn’t come out yet. I mentioned only murders in the building on Hulu, which has been dope, and I love it. And my cousin isn’t as director on it. And so I should say that so the people were like, you didn’t tell us that you have a relation to it. But like, you know what? It’s Steve Martin and Martin Short and Selena Gomez. I’m gonna love it. Regardless. Yeah. Got renewed for season two.

Jeff Ritter[54:11]

So, when, before that episode, eD asked me to check it out because he wanted to talk about it. And it was a double or triple premiere, whatever it was. I watched two of the episodes, two out of the three episodes that were out so far. And it’s real good. My wife likes it’s it’s it’s a very good show. If you couldn’t tell by the people that you mentioned a starring in it.

eD! Thomas [54:39]

Yeah. Yeah, it’s pretty hard to have Steve Martin Martin Short and Selena Gomez and something that I’m gonna be like. Alright, so I got to go edit this episode. So we’re gonna we’re gonna stop this now.

Jeff Ritter[54:51]

Okay, well, I will tell you you once again 10s ignore guide me to the top of the mountain. I enjoyed every minute of it. Live but just hold on friend. Well done

eD! Thomas [55:03]

anytime. I’ll talk to you next week. All right. See ya.