eD! and Jeff stick to their new every-other-week schedule like the extremely dedicated heroes they are to discuss only the hottest topics of the day, even though that day was a few weeks ago!

You want example topics? Put on some socks, ’cause we’re about to knock your goofy ass outta ’em!

  • The newest cast memeber for “Fast 10”, and eD!’s dream casting for Vin Diesel’s non-John Cena brother!
  • Jeff’s mind-altered snacking shenanigans!
  • Spoilers for movies that are between 14 and 37 years old!
  • Jeff’s funeral plans!
  • Shiny new toys!
  • Memories of operating systems gone by!
  • And apple juice, because we’re not afraid to get controversial!
Transcript (As Determined By Robots)

[00:00:00] eD! Thomas: Welcome to the Nearly Coherent podcast. I’m eD! and joining me a man so beautiful that if you look at him without like that thing, that you can look at it in eclipse with your eyes, literally burn out of your skull. It’s actually impressive. That’s the that’s the only reason we record this remotely is this is the only way that I can look at his beauty unaided.

The Mr. Snuffleupagus to my Big Bird, it’s my buddy, Jeff. Jeff, how are you?

[00:00:28] Jeff Ritter: Great. I’m some soaring right now from that introduction. You know, it’s funny, almost every time now. I can’t remember the last time that I introduced myself on this podcast. It’s been.

[00:00:40] eD! Thomas: Season three.

[00:00:41] Jeff Ritter: Been a long time ago. I will tell you every single time, I almost say, and I’m Jeff, like you would think I have not introduced myself more times than I have, and I still can’t get it, but I am doing very well, sir.

How about you?

[00:00:57] eD! Thomas: I’m doing just delightful, dude. I’m drinking a little apple juice, uh, while we’re recording.

[00:01:04] Jeff Ritter: Oh, so two things first off, very proud of us for sticking to the biweekly recording schedule. Granted, this is literally the first time, so, but we’re a hundred percent second. Well, what kind of apple juice brand?

[00:01:19] eD! Thomas: It’s a little apple and Eve.

[00:01:21] Jeff Ritter: It’s a good one.

[00:01:22] eD! Thomas: It’s a very tasty,

[00:01:23] Jeff Ritter: That is a good

[00:01:24] eD! Thomas: a little boy

[00:01:25] Jeff Ritter: You know what though? I’m thinking about it. I can’t think of an apple juice that I don’t like, and I may just not but even like. the Juicy Juice one that barely tastes like anything. I even like that.

[00:01:35] eD! Thomas: Yeah, I think apple juice is just a solid and occasionally underrated juice.

[00:01:41] Jeff Ritter: I do think it’s an underrated juice. Orange juice gets a lot of love.

[00:01:44] eD! Thomas: Yeah. And rightfully so.

[00:01:46] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. Orange juice gets a lot of love. Apple juice. Doesn’t get enough. I will tell you my favorite apple juice.

[00:01:52] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Hit me.

[00:01:53] Jeff Ritter: Martinelli’s

[00:01:54] eD! Thomas: I was about to say that one. Hold up,

[00:01:59] Jeff Ritter: It’s so good. Yeah, I’m always ready?

[00:02:03] eD! Thomas: You know what I’m keeping my coins in now? Washed out Marinelli cider jug.

[00:02:10] Jeff Ritter: That’s a good looking jug. Does that? What does that jug have, like, a handle up at the neck?

[00:02:14] eD! Thomas: It doesn’t. It is just a, like a little,

[00:02:17] Jeff Ritter: Wow. It’s just a sh that’s just a straight up little Potbelly ass jug. I like that. That’s

[00:02:21] eD! Thomas: Yeah. It’s great. And real good cider too, by the way.

[00:02:25] Jeff Ritter: I would imagine

[00:02:27] eD! Thomas: loved Martinelli’s.

[00:02:28] Jeff Ritter: Those little, those, the little glass bottles are hard to find.

[00:02:33] eD! Thomas: They are.

[00:02:34] Jeff Ritter: They are hard to find, but God damn it. They are delicious.

[00:02:37] eD! Thomas: If I see one? It’s mine, I bought it.

[00:02:41] Jeff Ritter: Without a doubt. Yeah. If I’m at, if I’m somewhere and they have that, I am getting that 100% of the time. I can’t say that about all brands of apple juice, but Martinelli’s? I’m in.

[00:02:53] eD! Thomas: It’s delicious. It’s beautiful. It’s w it’s what the cool kids go for. That and heroin. So just choose. Do you want, how you want to hang out with the cool kids?

[00:03:05] Jeff Ritter: I don’t even know what to, I don’t even know what to say to that. We just compared Martinelli’s apple juice to heroin. I was thinking about like, being, being old and how just watching you or hearing you describe the apple juice where I’m like, man, I really want some apple juice and I’m like, how fucking old and boring am I that I want to get some apple juice.

Like I’m dying for it. Right.

[00:03:31] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. It’s intense.

[00:03:33] Jeff Ritter: It’s weird, right?

[00:03:34] eD! Thomas: Yeah, it is a little weird. But you know, we’re, we’re old, weird people, by the way. Uh, I saw a tweet a couple of days ago where somebody was re tweeting, somebody making a podcast comment and they were like, this is why all white men think that every thought that they had on a toilet is worth podcasting.

I just want to say that here? They are. Every thought we have while pooping? A-plus material.

[00:04:33] Jeff Ritter: that is literally what this whole podcast is.

[00:04:37] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:04:37] Jeff Ritter: It’s you come up with something on the toilet, text it to the other person. Then when we get on, we just start talking about it and see where It’s going to go. I don’t think we can stress how little prep is actually done. If you can’t tell, um,

[00:04:52] eD! Thomas: The same level of prep as Joe Rogan, except we don’t tell you the COVID vaccine’s going to like, make your tits fall off or something. You’re welcome, Science.

[00:05:02] Jeff Ritter: We could!

[00:05:04] eD! Thomas: We definitely could

[00:05:05] Jeff Ritter: We could.

[00:05:06] eD! Thomas: We have the same reach? Um, theoretically,

[00:05:10] Jeff Ritter: I mean, we’re on the, we’re on the same podcasting apps and services that he’s on,

[00:05:17] eD! Thomas: That’s true because he’s only on Spotify, whereas we’re everywhere.

[00:05:22] Jeff Ritter: Right? Fucking Joe Rogan, elitists podcast douchebag.

[00:05:27] eD! Thomas: Oh, what a sack of shit, go run “Fear Factor” again, you “NewsRadio” ruining piece of crap.

[00:05:33] Jeff Ritter: You know what’s weird? For people that kind of know me, everyone would be like, “This guy is absolutely who Joe Rogan’s talking to. This guy is Joe Rogan’s audience to a T.” And I got to tell you, I fucking hate him. I hate him. I hated him on fucking “NewsRadio”. I hated him on “Fear Factor”. I hate his stand up comedy and his podcast sucks. The only time that I enjoy anything on his podcast is if it’s a guest that I like. You know, like there’s other people have said interesting stuff on there, the closest I get to the closest I get to listening to him talk is if there’s another comedian that he goes back, like stories from the road and stuff like that, I could pretty much listen to almost any stand-up talk about, you know, stories from the road and about the, the business of being a standup.

He’s pushing it a little bit. I’d think about the only thing that I like is that he called out Carlos Mencia for stealing jokes. And it’s only because Carlos Mencia was somehow more annoying.

[00:06:40] eD! Thomas: Yeah, which is a pretty impressive at a business of may.

[00:06:44] Jeff Ritter: Especially cause isn’t his real name Ned, right? Like, Carlos Mencia was a full-on sham, I

[00:06:51] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it

[00:06:53] Jeff Ritter: He’s, you know, he’s like Larry, the cable guy, like he was playing a character. I hated it. I don’t like that.

[00:07:00] eD! Thomas: No, it’s not what we’re about here at the Nearly Coherent podcast.

[00:07:04] Jeff Ritter: Especially the, the crankier I get. You know, let me tell you, can I tell you something that made me real cranky?

[00:07:10] eD! Thomas: You can.

[00:07:11] Jeff Ritter: So I see a, I see this, this infograph about movies and when the movies actually take place. Okay.

So. The one that I noticed because it was a movie that for some reason I loved, I don’t think I’m alone, but I loved when I was younger was “Demolition Man”.

[00:07:33] eD! Thomas: Okay.

[00:07:34] Jeff Ritter: Okay. “Demolition Man” was set in the future. All this futuristic shit, movie was awesome. You know, that movie is set in 2032. That’s 10 years from now.

[00:07:50] eD! Thomas: That is.

[00:07:50] Jeff Ritter: That’s 10 years from now is when “Demolition Man” comes around. And I was thinking about how fucking old I am. And I’m like this movie that was supposed to be like set in the future. This movies actual timeline is going to take place before my youngest child is even in high school.

[00:08:09] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:08:11] Jeff Ritter: That is brutal, man. That is brutal.

[00:08:15] eD! Thomas: It’s rough. It’s not right.

[00:08:17] Jeff Ritter: Simon Phoenix was getting his head frozen and kicked into shards of icy Wesley Snipes. Where my, when my daughter is going to freshman orientation at her high school.

[00:08:30] eD! Thomas: Which is actually going to be when Wesley Snipes does all the things you just said. I don’t think I’ve actually ever seen “Demolition Man”. So

[00:08:38] Jeff Ritter: You haven’t seen “Demolition Man”?

[00:08:40] eD! Thomas: Don’t think I have.

[00:08:42] Jeff Ritter: So it’s not, I feel like I overreacted to that. It’s not exactly, you know, in AFI’s Top 100 list, but.

[00:08:51] eD! Thomas: Uh, neither are the “Fast and Furious” movies, and that’s a grievous oversight. So

[00:08:55] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. I actually was going to ask you about that. There’s a news development in “The Fast and The Furious” this week that I know that you know about.

And I’d like to ask your opinion, but I would suggest you watch “Demolition Man”, because it is one that is easy to unwind to, not a whole lot of thinking. If you couldn’t tell by who was in the movie. Um, but you can just kind of like fast and if you’re, you can just sit back and enjoy the, the preposterous.

[00:09:21] eD! Thomas: That’s beautiful

[00:09:22] Jeff Ritter: I know you enjoy.

[00:09:23] eD! Thomas: I do. I love it so much. Hey, speaking of speaking of movies that take place in the future, you, have you ever seen “Soylent Green”?

[00:09:31] Jeff Ritter: That was on the list.

[00:09:33] eD! Thomas: 2022!

[00:09:35] Jeff Ritter: I know.

[00:09:35] eD! Thomas: You know who I learned that from? “Weird Al” Yankovic. Two out of two episodes this year that Weird Al has been mentioned. Let’s keep it going.

[00:09:46] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. Give me a little background as to that. How did you learn this from “Weird Al” Yankovic?

[00:09:50] eD! Thomas: Oh, he tweeted the movie poster and said, “I got bad news, everybody”. Yeah, it was.

[00:09:57] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. ‘

[00:09:57] eD! Thomas: cause the, the movie poster just starts with it’s the year 2022 when he tweeted it on New Year’s Day.

[00:10:04] Jeff Ritter: Is that I mean, I can’t. When did “Soylent Green” come out?

[00:10:09] eD! Thomas: 1973.

[00:10:11] Jeff Ritter: Wow. So almost fill was at 49 years.

[00:10:15] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:10:16] Jeff Ritter: So movie’s been out for 49 years. And you think about that when that came out, this was like, I guess an outlandish proposition or a warning. Maybe this was planned all along.

[00:10:29] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:10:29] Jeff Ritter: Maybe this was planned all along. Maybe the same people that got Katt Williams are out there, you know, turning, making “Soylent Green” a reality.

It’s shocking to think that this is the future. And then you see every day and you’re like, “This is the future? This is not what the fuck I thought. This was more like “Idiocracy” than it is like “The Jetsons” or, or really anything good.”

[00:10:53] eD! Thomas: Yeah, you ain’t wrong.

[00:10:57] Jeff Ritter: So.

[00:11:00] eD! Thomas: What do you say? Sorry.

[00:11:01] Jeff Ritter: No. I said “so” I, cause I was about to change topics and I don’t have any sort of transition for you, but I have some new…

[00:11:11] eD! Thomas: George Carlin never did transitional material. We don’t really need it. We just do it when it works.

[00:11:15] Jeff Ritter: Okay. For perfect. You got it. So I’ve got some technology things to… Oh, wait a second. Hold on a sec. We had already had our transition and I just blew right past it. Let’s bring it on back.

“Fast and the Furious”. What is it? 10

[00:11:35] eD! Thomas: Ten, yeah.

[00:11:37] Jeff Ritter: “Fast and the Furious” 10 has a new cast member.

[00:11:41] eD! Thomas: It does.

[00:11:43] Jeff Ritter: So.

[00:11:45] eD! Thomas: Mamoa, my dude

[00:11:52] Jeff Ritter: I was going to ask you, how are you feeling about that

[00:11:54] eD! Thomas: Feeling so good. Honestly, here’s what I want. Here’s what I want for “Fast 10”. All right. I want Jason Mamoa. I want more Helen Mirren. I want Michael Kane. And just because I want it, and just cause I feel like it? Danny DeVito.

[00:12:17] Jeff Ritter: Uh, as a chameleon, he can absolutely go into any role.

[00:12:20] eD! Thomas: Absolutely. 100%. Yeah, I that’s that’s my, I mean with everybody else, obviously that’s my dream cast is get all that together. Helen Mirren plays Jason Statham’s mom. I want Michael Kane to play his dad, which is also what Helen Mirren and Vin Diesel want. So fingers crossed. Um, Danny DeVito I actually want to play another surprise brother of Dominic Toretto.

[00:12:46] Jeff Ritter: Oh, man. I was gonna say like his dad or his uncle would be beautiful.

[00:12:51] eD! Thomas: I want it to be like “Twins”.

[00:12:53] Jeff Ritter: Um, you know what? That’s an even better idea.

[00:12:56] eD! Thomas: I just want it to be like, “Yo, they look exactly the same”.

[00:13:00] Jeff Ritter: I would love if they didn’t like digitally deage him at all and just died the sides of his hair, dark. That was it. How far that would be.

[00:13:09] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:13:10] Jeff Ritter: Like no attempt to make him look younger, except for some, Just For Men.

[00:13:14] eD! Thomas: Let’s just embrace the weird, we’ve got two movies left. Let’s get real strange about it.

[00:13:21] Jeff Ritter: So what, 10 and 11, 11 is it ?

[00:13:23] eD! Thomas: 11 is the end of the Dominic Toretto saga.

[00:13:27] Jeff Ritter: Really?

[00:13:28] eD! Thomas: Yep.

[00:13:30] Jeff Ritter: Like, why is he ending this? Like, what else has Vin Diesel going to do? Honestly?

[00:13:34] eD! Thomas: Uh, produce other movies that are spinoffs, I guess.

[00:13:38] Jeff Ritter: Ah, okay. He just doesn’t want to be Dominic Toretto anymore.

[00:13:41] eD! Thomas: Yeah. He’s, he’s done. So

[00:13:43] Jeff Ritter: Is he? Where is he worried. about this character? Overstaying? His welcome. I mean, Jesus Christ, 11 movies about fucking nothing. And you’re like, all right, that’s it. We did it. We told the story. We need to tell like, stop

[00:13:57] eD! Thomas: 11 people are going to understand that family is the most important thing.

[00:14:01] Jeff Ritter: Oh, wait, is it 11 movies? Cause he wasn’t in the third one. The third one wasn’t about him. I should

[00:14:07] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. He wasn’t eat well. So, uh, Tokyo Drift it wasn’t about him, but he appears at the very end of that movie. There’s also, I believe the third one.

[00:14:21] Jeff Ritter: one

[00:14:22] eD! Thomas: Doesn’t have him or the second one doesn’t have him in it either. Um, he came back for the fourth.

[00:14:29] Jeff Ritter: “2 Fast 2 Furious”.

[00:14:31] eD! Thomas: Yeah. The second one is Paul Walker and Ty Reese, uh, and Eva Mendez and Ludacris.

That one does not have Vin Diesel right. That’s right. So the third one, which is actually the sixth one, either in the chronology of it all, um, is “Tokyo Drift” where Vin Diesel does make an appearance again. And then he comes back to the fourth one, and then that’s where he starts being a producer, and that’s when they start building up to the international hi-jinks that really kicks off with the fifth one and then just rockets to my heart. She straight away.

[00:15:17] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. Wow.

That is that’s hard. That’s like, uh, it’s like they consulted Christopher Nolan on the timeline of these first five or six movies. And when they were like, Yeah. we can’t keep up with it either. Let’s just do some nutty shit for the next seven movies or whatever it ends up being.

[00:15:36] eD! Thomas: Well, the whole thing was that the movies weren’t doing that well, because having movies about race car culture. It doesn’t really like attract a wide audience because you know, nobody, I mean, like there are people that give a shit, like my friend Zubair loves those first few movies and he does not particularly care for the ones afterwards.

And the first few movies for me are just like a slog. Like I do not. I, if you never make me watch the original “Fast and Furious” again, I’m fine. If it goes from “Five” and includes “Tokyo Drift” because “Tokyo Drift” is dope as hell, uh, to the end then I’m great. Um, but yet when at the end of “Tokyo Drift”, they brought back Vin Diesel, and he negotiated himself a producer credit.

And then he was like, let’s turn this into something that can be embraced by more people. Uh, if they didn’t do that, this would not have succeeded past maybe a fourth movie. Maybe. If they were lucky.

[00:16:33] Jeff Ritter: Still a lot of fucking movies,

[00:16:35] eD! Thomas: Yes.

[00:16:36] Jeff Ritter: Still a lot of movies.

Well, I’m glad that he was able to fulfill his creative destiny with what does that Nine movies

[00:16:48] eD! Thomas: Nine movies coming on to 10 and 11.

[00:16:50] Jeff Ritter: Not at all that He’s in, he’s in nine of the movies. I’m glad,

[00:16:54] eD! Thomas: a nine of them. Yeah.

[00:16:55] Jeff Ritter: I’m glad he was really able to explore this character, you know?

[00:16:59] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. I character who, by the way, and I love “Fast Nine” too. Like I love every w from Five to the end or the best. Uh, but

[00:17:08] Jeff Ritter: but

[00:17:09] eD! Thomas: Can we just for one second, talk about how stupid it is that for what 4, 5, 6 movies he’s talking about, how family is the most important thing. And then all of a sudden, a brother we’ve never heard of comes back, he’s like, “You’re a sack of shit!” Like what? This makes no sense! And then they rewrite the origin story of Dominic Toretto in this looks like an owl, right? Whatever, who cares.

[00:17:33] Jeff Ritter: I’m very surprised that you’re exploring the plot holes of the “Fast and Furious” universe.

[00:17:40] eD! Thomas: I see. I don’t consider that a plot hole. I consider that a “woopsie-daisy” and just, and just like, it’s fine. I accept it. I’m not sitting here going like, “This doesn’t make sense because Dominic shred his brother and he don’t get along and they send a car to space. No, no, no. My friend, everything has to be terrestrial here and the family bonds may not be broken!”

I don’t give a shit. If the entire movie was just two hours of that where he shoots off the edge of a cliff and wraps a bridge tie tie thingy from a rope bridge around a Dodge Charger, and then swings above an ocean while dodging missiles from a helicopter. If the movie was just that for two hours, if it was just that for that five minutes, I would have paid to see that movie 25 times.

[00:18:33] Jeff Ritter: A guy like Michael bay things, when he watches something like this.

[00:18:36] eD! Thomas: “Why doesn’t anybody care about me?” is what he thinks. You know what? I bet he thinks. I bet he thinks the same thing that Kevin Smith thought when all the Seth Rogan movies started hitting. That, that he was just ahead of the game and that he had to come back and do something like “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”, which then didn’t make any money whatsoever because of a terrible marketing campaign.

It’s a fine, okay movie.

[00:18:58] Jeff Ritter: But like,

[00:18:58] eD! Thomas: It’s the one that he’s not saying anything new and, and he’s just trying to catch up to all these people that were making million bazillion dollar movies that were basically just Kevin Smith movies that did well.

[00:19:11] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. That’s you know what that’s is a good point. So Kevin Smith is the Michael Bay of

[00:19:19] eD! Thomas: Two dudes talking at each other.

[00:19:21] Jeff Ritter: Yeah.

Of like just dudes comedies. And that’s, that’s very true by the way, “Zack and Miri”, uh, the scenes with Craig Robinson and Seth Rogan when they’re working are hilarious.

[00:19:36] eD! Thomas: I actually really liked that movie just top to bottom. I think,

[00:19:39] Jeff Ritter: I’m a F I’m a fan of it too.

[00:19:41] eD! Thomas: I don’t like how they get together at the end spoilers, uh, for a movie that came out 17 years ago or

[00:19:48] Jeff Ritter: Oh, hold on. Yeah, I’ve got to tell you about a spoiler alert in a second. No, it’s not what you think. Trust me.

[00:19:56] eD! Thomas: Uh, well, given that I have no idea what it is. I bet it’s not.

[00:19:59] Jeff Ritter: You’re right. Um, I didn’t like that. I actually didn’t like that part either. It didn’t ruin the movie for me or anything, but it’s, they shouldn’t have gotten together. Shoulda just stayed, you know, fucked up friends or whatever it was. That would have been fine with that.

So the other day, I call my father on his cell phone. I had to tell him something and I’m like, “Oh, what are you guys up to?” And he’s like, “Oh, we’re watching this movie called “Overboard”.” So I proceeded to be like, I proceed to tell him about the movie. And he can’t understand. He’s like floored at the fact that I know what this movie is.

Cause I guess it’s, you know, it’s from the eighties, which is when, which we are as well. So he’s like, well, what’s the. We had five years old watching “Overboard”, you know, how do you, so anyway, I’m telling him about it. And, and I say to him, I’m like, she falls overboard and she loses her memory. And then she thinks she’s trapped. And then she gets a memory back and she’s in love with him anyway. And so she ends up with him. And he goes, oh, well, watching the movie here. What he’s like, we’re watching a movie. We didn’t finish the movie yet. Why are you telling me the ending? I’m like, are you fucking kidding me?

Like this movie has, this movie is 35 years old. Like,

[00:21:12] eD! Thomas: Also, it’s not a particularly surprising plot

[00:21:15] Jeff Ritter: well, that’s, I will. That’s the other

[00:21:17] eD! Thomas: an eighties rom-com, this isn’t like you just like shouted out the end of “Shutter Island” at the day that it

[00:21:22] Jeff Ritter: going to, Yeah,

I was just going to say, I’m like, I’m not telling you that he sees dead people or anything here. Pop you’re watching fucking “Overboard”. If you don’t know what’s coming, you’re too stupid to watch movies. So he was furious with me that I ruined “Overboard” for him last week. Last week. He’s like you spoiled the movie for me. I’m like, Hmm. I think the producers and directors today. Plenty good job of spoiling that fucking movie.

[00:21:51] eD! Thomas: You should tell them that you ruined “Shutter Island” for me. See it, see if he feels the, you know, whatever. I didn’t really care that much. Uh, Yeah, a very different Jeff back then, you were actually trying to spoil it for other people. I didn’t think, I think I was just, uh, um,

[00:22:10] Jeff Ritter: ” Collateral”?

[00:22:11] eD! Thomas: Collateral damage. That was the word I was looking for. Thank you.

[00:22:14] Jeff Ritter: Collateral damage.

[00:22:16] eD! Thomas: Yeah, whatever. Listen, uh, the person that you were spoiling it for deserved it. So I wasn’t really that mad about it.

[00:22:22] Jeff Ritter: So, um, oh, you know what?

[00:22:27] eD! Thomas: I

[00:22:27] Jeff Ritter: Call back. Call back to my, my poor transitions. I want to tell you something. I got a new mouse.

[00:22:34] eD! Thomas: Ooh, tell me more because I’m genuinely excited. Nobody else might be, but I don’t care. I’m not putting a check, not putting in chapters so you can skip this, you sacks a shit. Listen to every word we say.

[00:22:46] Jeff Ritter: I got a new mouse folks. I got

[00:22:48] eD! Thomas: Oh, is that the MX Master 3?

[00:22:52] Jeff Ritter: That is exactly what it is.

[00:22:54] eD! Thomas: Folks. I want to tell you that I did not. We didn’t, we didn’t discuss this beforehand.

[00:22:58] Jeff Ritter: I just held up this mouse in my grainy ass webcam that I have almost, I have barely any lights on. And he, he pulled that like zero hesitation.

[00:23:10] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:23:11] Jeff Ritter: How did you,

[00:23:13] eD! Thomas: Right out of thin air. I’m a, I’m a magic man.

[00:23:17] Jeff Ritter: You know what though? I’m more, had it been some sort of Apple product, I would not be impressed. Matter of fact, I’d actually be led down if you didn’t know it that quickly, but this is a Logitech mouse that I actually thought you might give me a little bit of shit for having,

[00:23:32] eD! Thomas: This is an interesting bit of business because the other day, uh, my friend, Melissa was texting me that she was making fun of one of her roommates for using a Logitech mouse with his Mac. And I said, I understand where you’re coming from, but to be fair, if it’s the MX Master 3, you’re wrong and they are right.

And lo and behold, they were using the MX Master 3. It’s a very good mouse! Honestly, as much as I liked the Magic Mouse, you have to flip it on its back to charge it. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And I do not expect anybody besides me to ever put up with it, and I don’t even put up with it now, anyway, I just use track pads all day

[00:24:18] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. W and, and I

[00:24:20] eD! Thomas: Better for my wrist tickles.

[00:24:21] Jeff Ritter: I have an old Magic Mouse that I don’t even think is rechargeable.

My wife has a problem with a tendon in her right hand. So she can’t use that mouse. It’s too flat. Like the shape of it doesn’t work for her. It’s great for traveling. You throw it in your bag, it takes up no space. Um, but the truth is when I’m doing that I don’t use my, if I’m on just my laptop, I don’t even really use a mouse. I just use the track pad that’s right there on the laptop. My son has a MacBook, has my old one. So I let him use the mouse with it. And this one, I needed it. I actually use this from my work computer, which is a PC. So that’s where I went with this, instead of looking at maybe getting a new Magic Mouse.

But when I was looking at it, like you can connect it through Bluetooth to up to three different computers.

[00:25:12] eD! Thomas: You can.

[00:25:13] Jeff Ritter: So my wife has a laptop. I have my work computer and I have my Mac I’ve Bluetooth did to all three, so I can use the same mouse, which really is nice and this thing works. So first of all, I love it has a whole bunch of buttons.

So it’s fewer keystrokes. The buttons are programmable. You can use them for different things in different apps.

[00:25:38] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:25:38] Jeff Ritter: Which is awesome. Like in your browser, these two side buttons can be forward and back. Um, there’s this little like wing that sticks off that has a button in it. When you tap that button, it opens, it’ll show you the, what is it? Task view.

[00:25:53] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:25:54] Jeff Ritter: Right? It’ll show you that, you know, matter of fact, you can even use it. Like you can use that button in combination with moving the mouse on a Mac for gesture control.


[00:26:10] eD! Thomas: Uh, I’m glad I’m not standing up, uh, with my standing desk right now. Cause otherwise this would be a very uncomfortable moment for everyone.

[00:26:19] Jeff Ritter: I would just feel bad. I would just feel bad for the people that don’t get to see it.

[00:26:23] eD! Thomas: Yeah talking about wieners. Oh, what?

[00:26:28] Jeff Ritter: That is it’s true.

[00:26:29] eD! Thomas: The cover of this episodes just a picture of a Wiener. Just kidding folks. Cause Apple won’t allow it

[00:26:36] Jeff Ritter: Would be the same as just having Dave on the cover.

[00:26:39] eD! Thomas: True.

[00:26:40] Jeff Ritter: Not even here, he’s still getting it.

[00:26:43] eD! Thomas: Oh, you got to get it somewhere. Hey.

[00:26:45] Jeff Ritter: That’s a good point. That is a good, that’s a good point. Well played, sir. Uh, so yeah, I love this mouse.

[00:26:53] eD! Thomas: it’s a good, it’s a good look at mouse.

[00:26:56] Jeff Ritter: Very

[00:26:56] eD! Thomas: on thinking about buying it. Uh, but then I remember that I don’t have that much more desk space for that sort of thing. So keep on, see, can we, can we continue talking about computer accessories for one?

[00:27:09] Jeff Ritter: Of course,

[00:27:10] eD! Thomas: All right. So a while back, I got me one of these guys, this is a mechanical keyboard, the KeyChron V3, and, uh, every that’s what it’s called.

Yeah. It’s dope. Uh, every nerd that I know loves this keyboard and I think it’s fine, but I cannot type accurately on this for shit because I don’t type like a normal person. Yeah, it’s weird. So like, you know how I’ve played trumpet for like 9 million years.

[00:27:41] Jeff Ritter: Yeah.

[00:27:43] eD! Thomas: Okay. So when I type, and I didn’t realize this until I had the iPad with the, a Magic Keyboard, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I kept on jamming my pinkie into the top of the Magic Keyboard.

Cause I only type with the three fingers that you use for valves on a trumpet on my right hand, I don’t do all the fingers. So it was just that, and then thumb for space bar. So this is at an angle where that doesn’t work that great. So I need a flatter keyboard, but I just, I want to love this. I want to get this and I want to have the MX Master 3, and then I want to feel like a real dork, but listen, this thing, lights up, look, look at it.

You can’t see it.

[00:28:25] Jeff Ritter: I can’t see the light up, but I like mechanical keyboards. Let me tell you where I don’t like mechanical keyboards when you’re using one in the cubicle next to me, when I used to work in an office that makes me want to F that makes me want to strangle you to death in your.

[00:28:41] eD! Thomas: Yes.

[00:28:41] Jeff Ritter: They are obnoxiously loud when you’re in a work environment, but you know, it’s funny.

I was looking and I didn’t find, I didn’t look very hard, but I wanted to get, I wanted to replace my keyboard As well. I have this Logitech like wave one. It’s like the semi, the semi ergonomic one,

[00:28:59] eD! Thomas: Yup.

[00:29:00] Jeff Ritter: Which I, I, I like. It’s, you know, it’s a good keyboard. It’s, it’s fine. But it’s starting to wear out a little bit. And I was looking.

Maybe getting a new one. And I actually looked for, I ha I have to have an ergonomic keyboard. I’m so used to it now. Um, but like this one is good. Cause you can still like a real ergonomic keyboard. You can’t use one handed.

[00:29:23] eD! Thomas: No, you can’t.

[00:29:24] Jeff Ritter: It’s it’s a pain in the ass. That’s why I like this one because it’s got a bit of the shape to it, but you can still use it one-handed if you needed to.

So I was looking for a mechanical. That kind of looks like this. Nothing couldn’t find

[00:29:36] eD! Thomas: exist. Yeah.

[00:29:38] Jeff Ritter: But I really wish that they made this as a mechanical keyboard. I’d be in love.

[00:29:43] eD! Thomas: You would be. That’s a shame. I’m sorry that they don’t make that for you. Um, I’ll make a few phone calls to see what I can do.

[00:29:51] Jeff Ritter: Maybe I will try a regular mechanical keyboard and see how I like it.

[00:29:55] eD! Thomas: I mean, if you want to borrow my one more than welcome to.

[00:29:58] Jeff Ritter: You know what? I may give it a try, right? Why not?

[00:30:01] eD! Thomas: Why not give it a shot? What’s the worst that happens.

[00:30:06] Jeff Ritter: It’s true.

[00:30:06] eD! Thomas: And then, you get the new fancier one.

[00:30:09] Jeff Ritter: Oh, they make a fancier one?

[00:30:11] eD! Thomas: Yeah,

[00:30:12] Jeff Ritter: You know what I like.

[00:30:14] eD! Thomas: Except it’s, it’s fancier only in that it’s smaller and it has a knob at the top and I don’t really understand the utility of the knob, by the way, title of my sex tape. And, uh, thank you. you.

[00:30:28] Jeff Ritter: I missed that one big time.

[00:30:31] eD! Thomas: Did you did. I saw it fly over your head. You like, alright, I guess I’ll take it then.

[00:30:36] Jeff Ritter: You know what? Cause I was too. I was in, I was enthralled in your storytelling. It’s your fault.

[00:30:42] eD! Thomas: It’s true. I’m a piece of shit. Uh, yeah, no, it it’s, it’s a smaller, but it’s basically the same thing as this guy. Uh, but yeah. Yeah. That’s that, that’s that on that keyboard? I really wish I could get into it. I really, really do.

[00:30:57] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. I hate when that happens, when you’re like, you know, something should be perfect, like on paper, it’s perfect for you and you start using it and you just can’t, you know, you just can’t get past that. You’re like, nah, I just don’t like this.

[00:31:10] eD! Thomas: So now, so now I got this keyboard just sits behind me. Just ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. But anyway, maybe I’ll try this again. I’m going, I’ve got the standing desk now. I guess I gotta like start getting into the mechanical keyboards and the MX Master 3 and I don’t know, shooting YouTube videos, I guess that’s next? I don’t know.

[00:31:31] Jeff Ritter: Is that a thing, YouTube videos? I mean, like, I know it’s a thing, but like, do people still do that or is it now

[00:31:37] eD! Thomas: Now people still do it. People still do it and make a, if you’re good at it, you can make some real money on it. And I think you, I think, I think you and I would be better at it than a lot of these people that I watch on a frequent basis.

[00:31:49] Jeff Ritter: I’d like to do that. Do I have to research? Like, do I have to learn anything? Cause I don’t, I don’t know how I feel about

[00:31:54] eD! Thomas: We could, absolutely do it the same incredibly well-researched way we do this. Yeah, this, this, this mess.

I think we could do it as long as you don’t. Ha I mean like the biggest problem we have is we definitely couldn’t have Dave on because you can’t share his face on video.

[00:32:16] Jeff Ritter: uh, that is not a deal breaker for me.

[00:32:19] eD! Thomas: Okay. Good, good. You know what? I always thought that you and I could probably pull off like a Craig Ferguson “Late, Late Show” sorta deal. I thought, I thought you and I could, like, we could do that,

[00:32:30] Jeff Ritter: I can do that. Yeah.

[00:32:31] eD! Thomas: Low rent, uh, like cable access style, bullshit. You and I could do

[00:32:39] Jeff Ritter: Almost like “Wayne’s World” show, but a little, but a little, a little fancier.

[00:32:46] eD! Thomas: “Wayne’s World”, but shot in 4k.

[00:32:49] Jeff Ritter: Right, right. That’s why I said a little fancier, like a little more high-tech than, than “Wayne’s World”, not the movie, but rather the show within the show or the show within the movie, I should say.

[00:33:01] eD! Thomas: Yes.

[00:33:02] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. I I

[00:33:04] eD! Thomas: I think you and I could do that. I think, I mean, we’ve done more than 200 episodes of this podcast. We could definitely start throwing, especially if we’re going to do bi-weekly we could definitely position a switch to video too. I’m just saying, I’m just saying we’re handsome people.

[00:33:19] Jeff Ritter: He would make us money.

[00:33:21] eD! Thomas: Oh god, I hope so.

[00:33:23] Jeff Ritter: When can I quit my job?

[00:33:25] eD! Thomas: I need you to legally speaking, you can quit your job whenever you want. If you want more money to be there, to support your family, that we have to work towards a little bit, but

[00:33:36] Jeff Ritter: Oh, that’s that’s funny. I thought you were going to say buy stuff. When you started to say support your family, like, guess.

[00:33:43] eD! Thomas: I was giving you, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. I know that it was just about buying stuff. Let’s, let’s be

[00:33:48] Jeff Ritter: the buying. It’s definitely more about buying stuff. I was talking to a friend today and we were talking about, you know, working. And I, and I will say, I don’t hate my job. This is

[00:34:00] eD! Thomas: I love my job.

[00:34:01] Jeff Ritter: This is my favorite job that I’ve had. But, but it’s still a job.

like talking about, you know, what would you do?

You know, where would you work if you didn’t have to work? And I was like, fucking nowhere. That’s where I’d work. I’d work. Nowhere. Why would somebody work that doesn’t have to work is crazy to me?

[00:34:20] eD! Thomas: Uh, I would, if I won like the $5,000 a week for a lot of flattery deal, I’d still keep my job, but I do it like on a part-time basis because the benefits are delightful, you know, health insurance, like you, you could go on your wife’s health insurance. I would have to go and like buy my own. And no, thank you.


[00:34:43] Jeff Ritter: I’d rather buy my own health insurance.

[00:34:48] eD! Thomas: No, not if I’m going to be D if it’s more work, doing everything I would do when I’m not working anyway, might as well

[00:34:55] Jeff Ritter: Honestly, there are days where I’d rather not have health insurance and just die, then work, just risk it. Like, you know,

[00:35:06] eD! Thomas: Really roll the dice.

[00:35:08] Jeff Ritter: Yeah, just roll those dice. If something goes wrong, I’m like, damn, well, it was a good run. I enjoyed my retirement, but see ya, you know, like there are definitely those days.

[00:35:19] eD! Thomas: I’ll say something nice about you, your funeral. It’s fine.

[00:35:22] Jeff Ritter: I will tell you this. I’ve given my wife these directions as well. Although I don’t think she’ll carry it out. I hope she does, because I think she knows how important it is to me. But I have also told like eight or nine other people, and I know that you know this, but I want ” Wanted Dead Or Alive” by Bon Jovi played at an obnoxious volume at my funeral. And I want everybody singing along, like hitting the Sambora high notes, off key preferable. Cause that’s how I would sing it. But I,

[00:35:57] eD! Thomas: I can’t help a buddy. I’m sorry. You know, I got them golden pipes.

[00:36:00] Jeff Ritter: Right? I, I hear you. I understand. You do the J B J stuff. Let the other person at my funeral do Sambora’s. Cause it does, it needs to be just a little bit off, but that’s what I’m hoping for. That’s really what I want.

I also want to be turned into like, uh, one of those pods that a tree grows out of. Like, I don’t want to be buried or, I mean, I guess cremated, like they can cremate and put your ashes in there, but I feel like that doesn’t count.

You know, I want that thing where they’re like, put your body in a burlap sack with a seed in your dead hand, then you eventually break down and turn it into a tree. That’s what I’m looking for.

[00:36:39] eD! Thomas: Do you want it to seed like shoved into your dick? Right. Just so that it grows.

[00:36:43] Jeff Ritter: Wherever, wherever I’m dead. Bury me upside down and let the tree grow out of my ass for I care. I’m outta here.

[00:36:53] eD! Thomas: We’ll put in your dick hole will be the one Happy Willow.

[00:36:56] Jeff Ritter: Oh, I, that honestly sounds so pain even dead. I don’t know if I want that.

[00:37:02] eD! Thomas: What are you going to know?

[00:37:03] Jeff Ritter: You’re right. No, this is true. This is true.

[00:37:05] eD! Thomas: I’m just gonna, I like how I’m planning this now, by

[00:37:08] Jeff Ritter: was going to say, I liked that you’re responsible for the disposal of my body

[00:37:14] eD! Thomas: Somebody’s got to do

[00:37:15] Jeff Ritter: That is true. But yeah, uh, it is, I would like, though, I’d like it to be some sort of fruit tree. How awesome would it be if it’s a fruit tree and you know, like somebody comes over say, say, it’s, uh, you know, my son gets some of the fruit from the fruit tree and doesn’t tell anybody and somebody comes over and you know, he hand you an apple and they’re like, oh, that apple is great.

Guess what? It’s made out of my dead father. I was like, yes, that’d be awesome.

[00:37:44] eD! Thomas: Apple sell to Marinelli. Next thing you know, you’re juice!

[00:37:50] Jeff Ritter: I would love that.

[00:37:51] eD! Thomas: Then I’m doing sips, little sips o’ Jeff.

[00:37:54] Jeff Ritter: I would love that. Then you could literally pour, pour a little sip on the concrete for me. I would love that. Let’s do me a favor. You didn’t have to make this happen. I don’t think my wife has the stones to turned me into an apple tree and send me to send me to Marinelli.

[00:38:08] eD! Thomas: Don’t don’t even worry about it. I got this.

[00:38:10] Jeff Ritter: All right.

[00:38:11] eD! Thomas: Come on, you know,

Hey, speaking of things that died,

[00:38:24] Jeff Ritter: I love that we never failed to call it.

[00:38:25] eD! Thomas: And we never will. This is, this is why we’re going to be YouTube celebrities, because we have quality bits that you know you crave. Um, so you know that I’m a psychopath about backups.

[00:38:38] Jeff Ritter: Oh, yes. Oh goodness. Yeah.

[00:38:40] eD! Thomas: I, I am. I am insane. And

[00:38:43] Jeff Ritter: there. I thought we were talking about another person. I’m like, oh god, who else died? Yes, you, uh, you are you back up the backup, the backup?

[00:38:53] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. You might as well call me that ass. Cause I back that thing up.

[00:38:58] Jeff Ritter: I was just going to say you’re you are like Juvenile of the tech world. Back in that ass, up. all over the place.

[00:39:06] eD! Thomas: All day earth day. So I used to have a, one of those newer tallboy.

[00:39:15] Jeff Ritter: boy,

[00:39:16] eD! Thomas: Airport, uh, Time Capsules. Right? So I back up to that over the, I was off last week. It’s on vacation, just, you know, hanging around my house all of a sudden, get a notification. Shit’s not backing up and I’m like, what’s going on here? You silly little slut, my fricking Time Capsule died!

[00:39:36] Jeff Ritter: die,

[00:39:38] eD! Thomas: Yeah, it’s just straight up kicked it. No, the network switch on the back of it wasn’t working. The drives were doing nothing. It was just, it was sitting there with the green light being like duh useful. And I’m like, no, you’re not. You’re a liar is what you are. You’re damn dirty liar. And nobody likes you.

And this is

[00:39:55] Jeff Ritter: and then light off you. line sack a shit Time Capsule.

[00:39:59] eD! Thomas: Yeah. So I had to replace that, but here’s the thing, here’s the thing. I think this might be a problem because my friends seem Tall Boy Time Capsule also died. I think this is the beginning of a conspiracy.

[00:40:13] Jeff Ritter: really like the whole slowing down, slowing down performance. And battery’s crapping out on you. What do you think they’re doing?

[00:40:22] eD! Thomas: I think they’re just committing suicide. I think they’re just given up or the thermals are weird because it’s a taller thing with a fan at the bottom, but it could be just, yeah. Yeah. So I spent. No, yo, I have been thinking for years that, you know what, I deserve a network attached storage drive, like a real one, like a big boy server sorta deal.

So I bought one exactly like a Synology one, perhaps a Synology seven 20 plus may hap.

Yeah, I did it. I did it. I did it. And I did it with the help of Amazon’s wonderful Amazon Prime Card that offered me 18 months, no interest financing. I was like, all right, well, this means this doesn’t count. Let’s go.

[00:41:26] Jeff Ritter: It’s true. It does not count. Does not count

[00:41:29] eD! Thomas: All of a sudden I’m buying like two eight terabyte drives and a SSG to work as a caching thing and extra rammers, like who cares how much it is,

[00:41:38] Jeff Ritter: the drives that the drivers that you bought solid states or

[00:41:42] eD! Thomas: No, I just regular drives solid solid state network drives are expensive, like prohibitively. So, um, even more than like reg like an eight terabyte SSD for normal use is expensive.

These are shit.

[00:42:01] Jeff Ritter: a network drive needs a specific hard drive in it like a, is that like a, like a WD a what is it red,

[00:42:08] eD! Thomas: Yeah,

[00:42:10] Jeff Ritter: right? That’s their network. What’s the Seagate one.

[00:42:12] eD! Thomas: Seagate is the Iron Wolf.

[00:42:16] Jeff Ritter: Oh, that’s right. It is. That’s a cool fucking name. Iron Wolf.

[00:42:20] eD! Thomas: Yeah. It’s got a picture of a wolf on it and everything. It’s dope.

[00:42:25] Jeff Ritter: So you bought two of those two, eight terabyte iron wolfs,

[00:42:30] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:42:32] Jeff Ritter: and that is in your seven. Which one did you get the 7

[00:42:38] eD! Thomas: seven 20 plus also threw in an extra four gigs of Ram. So is that the alleged max of six, even though people have gotten it up to 18 gigs of Ram in there, but I’m not doing anything. That’s that crazy. And. You can get a little, a little SSD that you could pop in there that just works as a cash.

There’s like a buffer as like yeah. Your 400 gig. Sounds good for that big bam. Thanks 18 months.

[00:43:05] Jeff Ritter: So you really are. I mean, you are set up

[00:43:08] eD! Thomas: I am. I am. I’m just so proud of it. And so pleased. And I only have 1,271 photos left to back up from my phone. That’s.

[00:43:20] Jeff Ritter: Very nice. Good for you.

[00:43:22] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:43:24] Jeff Ritter: So you back up. So you back up everything, all your devices. What about like, what about devices? Like you take other people’s like you have backups for anybody else’s devices or anything like that, or is it all your own stuff?

[00:43:39] eD! Thomas: well, right now it’s all my stuff, but if anybody else, uh, if I feel like it, I can back up

[00:43:44] Jeff Ritter: Like needs, needs some space.

[00:43:47] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. I’m going to, I’m going to take the like 27,000, uh, clones of my computers that I have and just going to throw them on that server now and never have to worry about it again.

It’s going to be beautiful. And then I’m gonna have like 15 terabytes of portable hard drives that I’m not going to know what the hell I’m going to do with it’s going to be.

[00:44:07] Jeff Ritter: I mean, what can you do? What, like eventually, what can you do with them? Can’t you just put everything in one place and like toss all of that shit.

[00:44:14] eD! Thomas: Oh, I’m never going to do that.

[00:44:15] Jeff Ritter: I know.

[00:44:17] eD! Thomas: Then you might need them someday. What do you have on crack?

[00:44:20] Jeff Ritter: Yeah, well, that’s true. I say that the guy that has a stack of CD ROMs. Yes. I said it that I don’t even know what’s on them, that I have to probably go and put him back up to some bling somewhere.

[00:44:32] eD! Thomas: listen, it could be worse. You could have a whole bunch of old ass photos on floppy disks. Hello that, uh, still need to go places. I do. Yes.

[00:44:47] Jeff Ritter: That’s interesting.

[00:44:48] eD! Thomas: You are not expecting that answer. Where are you?

[00:44:50] Jeff Ritter: I was not, I, I, I mean, I guess they, they must still make them.

[00:44:54] eD! Thomas: Video? Yeah.

[00:44:58] Jeff Ritter: You should really get on backing up those floppy disks. Considering that’s a form of media that’s been dead for almost two decades. Do you have any zip drives?

[00:45:08] eD! Thomas: Uh, the disks. Yes. Not the drives themselves anymore. Now

[00:45:13] Jeff Ritter: But you do have a Zip disk

[00:45:14] eD! Thomas: I do. Yeah. I don’t know

[00:45:16] Jeff Ritter: the, what was the bigger capacity Jazz,

[00:45:19] eD! Thomas: Yeah. The Jazz drive. Yup.

[00:45:21] Jeff Ritter: Zip drives and Jazz drives. I had one hooked up to my Packard Bell computer once.

[00:45:27] eD! Thomas: I have I bought one for school. When I went away to college, it was connected to my HP desktop running Windows 98 originally, and then went into Windows, M E because I didn’t do any research on that’d be compared idea.

[00:45:43] Jeff Ritter: I remember we had gotten a Gateway, we’ve got a Gateway that had windows at Me and I’m like, this is the biggest piece of shit ever. And I actually think we downgraded. I think we downgraded to 98 first and then went to shit, was a Windows 2000.

[00:46:07] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:46:08] Jeff Ritter: Was that before X, P w like they were too, it was Emmy and something else we’re out kind of simultaneously.

It was right. Yeah, and then there was,

[00:46:18] eD! Thomas: he was the home edition for it. Uh, and 2000 was more of a businessy sort of deal.

[00:46:25] Jeff Ritter: And that’s what we did. We had, we w I downgraded it back to windows 98. And then went to 2000 and I don’t remember when XP came out, but XP was like the last one that, that the old Gateway could handle.

[00:46:43] eD! Thomas: I was a good one.

[00:46:44] Jeff Ritter: It was, Yeah,

I mean, XP is XP just went away just a few years ago. It really stopped being the standard.

You remember when they, uh, when they had Windows Vista that abortion for like two years, that thing was the fucking worst.

[00:47:04] eD! Thomas: I, so here’s a fun little fact that I didn’t know jack shit about computers until I started like working at Best Buy. Like I was a computer programming major. I didn’t know a damn thing. Like I talked a good game. I didn’t know anything.

I knew how to use various software, but I didn’t know any of that. Like, I couldn’t tell you Ram versus hard drive with all that was, I had no idea. Uh, so I started at Best Buy in the computer department, which was hilarious. Uh, and then Vista came out and people were like, well, what do you need to make this run?

Well, it was like,

[00:47:37] Jeff Ritter: look,

[00:47:39] eD! Thomas: there’s no answer. I could give you this either going to be factual or correct. So. Uh, Mac, have you tried them actually eD!

[00:47:47] Jeff Ritter: the only thing I can say that would be accurate is, I don’t know.

[00:47:52] eD! Thomas: Yeah, it was a, it was an intense time. You know what I actually learned anything about computers is when I built my first computer, that’s when I figured it out, I was like, oh, this is all just bits and bobs, easy peasy.

[00:48:05] Jeff Ritter: No, I would not say that it is easy, but if you are somewhat inclined to it, and if you, if you’re just a logical person in general, you can usually work your way through most.

[00:48:20] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:48:21] Jeff Ritter: You know, there are, of course there are, there are things that are very difficult than very advanced, but like most people that are like, I don’t know anything about computers and it’s really because you choose not to, it’s not that hard and it’s literally fucking everywhere.

Like there’s no reason nowadays for somebody to not know anything about a computer.

[00:48:42] eD! Thomas: Eh, you just don’t try.

You’re not going to break it. Just click things. Don’t just, don’t spill a soda on it. And even if you do, if you wipe it up quick enough, you’ll be fine.

[00:48:49] Jeff Ritter: Yeah.

Just don’t install Limewire. That is still AIDS for the computer. So what else you got for me?

[00:48:58] eD! Thomas: Undying love. I’m going to finish this apple juice for you.

[00:49:02] Jeff Ritter: That’s what I was fishing for. I actually think I’m going to go get some apple.

[00:49:09] eD! Thomas: Hm.

[00:49:09] Jeff Ritter: There’s an off chance that I have apple juice, juice boxes in the fridge. I do have a bunch of

[00:49:14] eD! Thomas: so good. You do, you do.

[00:49:17] Jeff Ritter: Be real nice. Take down like six apple juice, juice boxes right now.

[00:49:22] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:49:23] Jeff Ritter: All I will tell you it is the worst way to drink apple juice is in.

[00:49:28] eD! Thomas: Yeah. It’s not great. Although, you know what, honestly, I’m not entirely sure that I trust you as boxes as a delivery mechanism in general anymore. Not like I think that they’re like, you know, poisoned or something, but it’s just like, there’s bottles,

[00:49:42] Jeff Ritter: Yeah. I’m not, I don’t, I don’t really get them that you fucking fragile. You know, my daughter, shouldn’t my four year old daughter, shouldn’t be able to drink out of something. If she squeezes slightly ended with apple juice on my fucking ceiling.

[00:49:55] eD! Thomas: Yeah, as she’s doing back flips off your couch,

[00:49:58] Jeff Ritter: yeah. Which she does. She does. She’s wild.

[00:50:03] eD! Thomas: Oh, you know what? I do have something. I have something that you said that you had something, that story about soup. You had a soup story for me.

[00:50:12] Jeff Ritter: God. Yeah, I did.

[00:50:14] eD! Thomas: And I mean, like on the one hand I was like, this could happen probably wait til next time, but I don’t want to wait that long. So gimme.

[00:50:21] Jeff Ritter: So, as you know, I partake in some mind altering substances from, you know, now, and then yeah. It’s, you know, mild, but, you know.

[00:50:33] eD! Thomas: Hang on. I’m clutching my pearls and going to my fainting couch. All right. I’m back.

[00:50:36] Jeff Ritter: And he’s getting the vapors folks. And when, and my wife has said like multiple times when I get like that, she’ll like wake up the next morning, she’s like the kitchen looks like a fucking bear, went to a campsite. Like, what, what happens at night? Right. So anyway, a couple of weeks back we had had, uh, We had a birthday party for my daughter.

And you know, some of the food was left over. And a few nights after that, I’m in an altered state and I go over, open the fridge and I’m like, oh fuck yes, I got this French onion soup, I’m starving. Right. Pour about half of it into a bowl. Put that bowl in the microwave, warm it up.

Get out a napkin, get out a spoon, set it up at the table. Sit down, take a nice big spoonful of this French onion soup and realize I just ate hot balsamic vinegarette.

It was fucking disgusting. It was exactly how you would expect. It tasted like hot balsamic vinegarette. Now here was the thing like after, after that happened, which made me start to gag and I, I was very close to.

[00:51:48] eD! Thomas: I, as I am right now, just hearing.

[00:51:50] Jeff Ritter: Yeah, we’ll think about it, a big soup spoon full of hot balsamic vinegarette.

That’s what

[00:51:57] eD! Thomas: want, I don’t like cold balsamic vinegarette, let alone hot.

[00:52:01] Jeff Ritter: I like it cold, I will tell you this do not like it hot.

So I, I almost throw up. Right. I obviously dump it out and I’m standing there and I’m thinking about what decisions in my life led me to this happening. And along the way I go and I’m like, I’m like talking to myself, I’m going to have.

You didn’t even have any French onion soup in the fucking fridge. What made you think that that was French onion soup? Like where did you think that you got French onion soup from? Nobody else in the family eats it but you, I had, it was bad. It was bad.

[00:52:39] eD! Thomas: Can I tell you what my first thought was? How are you pouring that shit out? There should be cheese on top of it, you silly sack a shit.

[00:52:47] Jeff Ritter: dude. Let me tell you, I was so excited for this soup. There was no stopping me. There was no stop. Now, you know, when I go back and I’m like, man, that was so stupid. But then again, I also was halfway through the, the pair before I realized it was a fucking potato.

Also, as I bite into

[00:53:08] eD! Thomas: one of my


[00:53:09] Jeff Ritter: as I bite into it I’m like, this is the most disgusting pair I’ve ever eaten bite by bite. I’m like, oh, it’s a fucking potato.

[00:53:15] eD! Thomas: Yeah.

[00:53:18] Jeff Ritter: So

[00:53:18] eD! Thomas: doesn’t taste like a at that’s

[00:53:20] Jeff Ritter: yeah. Yeah. This is not a Bosch. Does a Yukon.

[00:53:27] eD! Thomas: Oh, that was worth

[00:53:28] Jeff Ritter: Or is it. Bosc? I think It’s Bosc edit that one for me. It doesn’t matter.

[00:53:33] eD! Thomas: Fine. It doesn’t matter. Yeah.

[00:53:35] Jeff Ritter: And any you pair humor, critics out there, you can eat a fat one. Uh

[00:53:44] eD! Thomas: Can eat the dick, that all those COVID dicks are losing their interest and it goes onto those ones. That one.

[00:53:48] Jeff Ritter: that’s you?

[00:53:49] eD! Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. You bet your big dumb asshole. Oh, that’s beautiful.

[00:53:56] Jeff Ritter: got for you, bud.

[00:53:57] eD! Thomas: I love it.

[00:53:58] Jeff Ritter: it.

[00:53:59] eD! Thomas: I’m going to talk to you continuously for the next two weeks, but I look forward to recording.

In two weeks.

[00:54:07] Jeff Ritter: and wait.

[00:54:08] eD! Thomas: You’re so beautiful.